Festival Dos and Don'ts...

Okay y'all- one week until Lollapalooza. One week- I am seriously stoked. Last year I went to Lolla too, and had a great time. That being said, there were some things I plan to do differently this year. I have prepared myself a little better this year than last, and learned a little from my mistakes. So here's my little Do and Don't guide for anyone that is planning on attending a music festival this year.

1. Don't bother taking pictures of the band, especially if you like to hang out by the back because it turns out like this:

Just what I always wanted, a picture of the back of some red-headed stranger. This one is a "framer" for sure.

2. Don't worry about preparing for the little things. You can go all out and spend money to get a pedicure so you can have cute feet for your sandals, but after an hour at the festival your feet will look like this:

Dirt is not your foot's friend.

Do give yourself the pedicure and save that foot scrubbing money for a lot of booze....

3. ...however don't slam 4 beers the minute you get to the concert, it will cause for a massive headache and mid-day hangover. I'm uh, just guessing... from uh, my friend's experience.... yeah...

4. Do bring a blanket if you want to be comfortable, or you'll end up sitting on pine needles and wet ground if you want a minute in the shade. This is what happens when you refuse to bring a blanket:

Why, yes my butt is wet, but I have a beer so I'm happy!

5. Don't stand behind the tall guy with the camera or he will do this the entire concert!

Um, think you got the shot, now put your fricken' arms down!

6. Don't go to the bathroom by yourself when you are drunk and then try to find your friends in this. Seriously, this was before Radiohead last year, and it was a little crazy. Before I got a little weepy, I had to take a picture. I found them... thank goodness for my friend E's umbrella (which I made fun of previously)!

Look at all the tiny ants!

7. DO stay as close as possible to the festival. Last year we stayed at E's house, which was so nice of her, and so economical, but she lived about an hour outside of Chicago. We learned the hard way that year stay in Chicago and not outside of Chicago, even if it saves money, because all the trains leave before the headliners are over and then you have to wait 2 hours for the next train, which is a total buzzkill!

8. Do research on the lesser known bands beforehand. Last year I missed a few I would have loved to see because I didn't do the research. This year I found some gems that I would love to see (TV on the Radio, Band of Horses, Vampire Weekend and others as well).

9. Do invest in a lot of antibacterial wipes. I got laughed at and called "mom" for having a purseful of these until all the antibacterial soap ran out in the port o pottys (Saturday afternoon). Then suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore! Speaking of port o pottys, that leads us to #10....

10. Don't be afraid of the port o potty. That's what #9 is for! Live it, love it, own it. Well, don't own one- I guess that would be a little odd!

Publish Post

Funny Pictures

Above all else- make sure that you don't let the little things get to you. Just have fun and enjoy the fact that all there is to do at the concerts is hang out with friends, drink, and listen to kick ass music.

Addictions

Can someone help me with my addition to exclamation points? I mean not everything is that exciting! It's horrible! Are there any twelve step programs out there for this? I have broken myself of double exclamation points by going cold turkey, do you suppose I should do that, or should I just slowly wean?

Maybe I am just juxtaposing* this with my bigger worry... weaning Mr. Calamity off of his Pacifiers.

Oh hell, this is going to be a bitch.

**Yes I Googled juxtaposition to see if I used it correctly, and I'm not sure I did, but I like the word and I tried to sound smart. Don't judge me.

Weekend Recap: Decidedly So

~SIGH~

I just had a decidedly LONG weekend.

Friday

I decided to make frozen pizza for dinner because I am lazy.

I decided to have a few drinks on Friday night. I stayed up too late and "buzz-dialed" an old friend.

Saturday

The kids decided they should wake up at 6:00 am instead of their usual 7:30am on Saturday morning.

I decided I was grumpy about this.

Saturday decided to rain. Thanks weather, for having my back.

Jacob decided he should cry most of Saturday.

Drew decided that he would turn off his "listening ears" at the Mall playground.

I decided to bribe Drew with brownies to get him to nap.

I decided naps were good, and napped for three hours with the kids.

I decided to make Manwich for dinner; the kids decided not to eat.

I decided to spend too much time on Facebook as my other social outlet was Twitter and I decided I was jealous of hated all BlogHer attendees.

Sunday

Drew decided he would race in a 50 Yard Dash with his cousins. He "won" a medal which was "shiny and heavy" according to him, and he decided to bring it to school today to show everyone.


(The race organizers decided to give medals to all the participating children. I decided I loved them for this.)

On the way home in the car, Jacob and Drew decided to nap.

I was decidedly sad about this turn of events.

Mr. Bee came home at 2pm on Sunday.

At 2:10pm I decided to hide out in our bedroom for an hour with my Ipod on.

I decided that I was very happy that Mr. Bee was home, and I informed him of this, along with the statement "I'm not making dinner tonight, I don't care, you can't make me, nyah, nyah, nyah."

Mr. Bee made frozen Pizza for dinner; I had the leftovers from that today.

I've decided I now hate frozen pizza.

I've also decided to count down the days until Lollapalooza- In case you were wondering, today= 10 DAYS!

How was your weekend? What did you decide to do?

***PS Please continue to keep Stellan in your thoughts and/or prayers.***

The Single Mom Weekend Survival Kit

Mr. Bee has gone golfing with his friends and left me alone to fend for myself against my little Bees ALL weekend. On the way home from work, I needed to buy some provisions....

Not Listed in picture:

Bag of low fat Kettle Cooked Potato Chips
Bag of Dark Chocolate Chex Mix
2 kinds of Goldfish Crackers
Chick Flick: Confessions of a Shopaholic
Kid Flick: Happy Feet (I know, what was I thinking?)

Hopefully we will last until Sunday evening!

This post talks entirely too much about puke (Why I am not going to BlogHer 09)

Everyone is all atwitter about going to the BlogHer Conference, what they are going to wear, who they will meet, etc.. I am not jealous of all of you and I have no interest in going to BlogHer. This is why:

I am a total scaredy cat, nervous Nelly, Shy guy, what ever cutesy term works for a borderline social anxiety disorder. This means I would end up following around the least interesting person in the room too scared to talk to anybody, then eventually when I did talk to someone I would lie about my subscriber account to someone to seem cooler than I am and then shortly after that I would end up drinking too much out of nervousness and throwing up in my purse out on a hotel balcony and then spend the rest of the conference tipping people with pukey dollars, spreading disgusting germs around (and yes I AM speaking from experience, I HAVE puked in my purse before- please people wash your hands after holding cash because someone might have puked on it) and then ultimately I will end up drunk, pukey and fawning over someone from MamaPop and try to explain to them why I think Coldplay is a good band, and they will slowly sidle away from me as I ramble on... and then I will run up and hug The Stilleto Mom and tell her how funny I think she is and she will see a. I am overly touchy-feely when I am drunk and b. that I am wearing flip flops with my dress and I will be so embarrassed, and proceed to tell her what an asshat I am, at which point I might just start lobbying all those around me for asshat to be included in the standard English dictionary....

I will wake up and spend the next morning searching for Advil because I will, of course, not have packed any and I will clean out my pukey purse crying that it will never be the same purse again, and oh this is worse than the time I spilled a jumbo sized pop into my purse at the movie theater when I jumped at a scary scene watching the Dark Knight, (oh that is such a good movie).

Oh yeah, and it was BlogHer or Lollapalooza; I couldn't afford both. That might have factored into my choice as well.

So all of you attending.... go, have fun! Socialize with (shudder) strangers. I'll stay here in my house while Mr. Bee is on his Golf weekend and I am home alone with the children and you are all having fun and tweeting about it, and I will curse you all for your #blogher tweets and stare longingly at my computer, wondering if next year I will be rich and brave enough to attend .... No, go have fun. I'll be okay (sniff). Just take my advice: don't puke in your purse... or you'll smell like vomit all weekend.

Not Me Monday! Woodchucks, Vampires, Tantrums, Golf, Etc. Edition!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
I was totally NOT behind in my blog reading this week, and did not realize it's "Not my child Monday!" Oops... well enjoy anyway!

Mr. Calamity was not a miserable, crying wreck all week due to a little cold. He was NOT so annoying that I could hardly stand his presence. I did NOT take a picture of one of his tantrums because I thought it was funny.

This week we also caught another woodchuck and raccoon and delivered them to the nature sanctuary in one piece. This brings our total catch and release up to 4 raccoons, 3 possums, and 11 woodchucks, including a Mom and 8 babies. Even though my husband wants to get rid of them in an inhumane way at this point, I have talked him down from this... however.... I did NOT tell him to go out and just kill the %*#&$!! squirrels that were fighting in our yard at 4am on Thursday.

The children totally impressed me when they slept until 8:30 and 9am this weekend. I was very happy about getting to sleep in, and I did NOT get greedy and consequently want more sleep. (On a side note, my husband let me sleep in until 11:30am on Sunday. I am sure him letting me do this had NOTHING to do with deserting me for a Golf Weekend next week.)

This week we also finished Season One of True Blood. I am trying to avoid spoilers for the second season and I am totally NOT jealous of you HBO subscribers who are watching it now. (You spoiled brats with your fancy "premium" cable... okay I am done, and um... half kidding...)

What are some of your "Not Me!"'s this week?

Bittersweet Day

Bitter: Going back to work is difficult after a couple of days off.
Sweet: Going back to work can be even more difficult when your 1 1/2 year old son gives you a kiss goodbye before you leave for work and says "I love you, Mommy" for the first time.

Mr. Mine (A horrible poem with cute pictures)

"My Legos!"

"My blankie!"

"My Ducky!"

"My goggles!"

"My Broom!"

"It's Mine, Mine, Mine!"

Jacob says all too soon.

Drew tells him it's good to share

as Jacob holds his Teddy Bear.

"Sharing is what friendship is all about,

there's no need to cry and shout."

But Jacob doesn't understand or know;

he will have to learn as he grows.

Sometimes he will get really sad,

and many tantrums on the floor will be had.

Drew gives him a hug and tells him it's okay,

Once again Drew has saved the day.

Jacob picks himself up and tries again,

he is lucky to have Drew as a friend.

The End

Staycation

What is a family to do with a week of unemployment and no funds to go anywhere, and no obligations? They buy a pool! Here are the things we Bees have been doing on our Staycation:
We surprised the little Bees with the sprinkler....
Put the Bees to work (that grass isn't going to sweep itself, you know)...

Gave love to an alligator...

Learned how to use a squirt gun....

Had tantrums in the privacy of our home....
Swung....
Spotted airplanes...
Looked cute...
Lounged by the pool with Peach Iced Tea (that would be me)....
Splashed Mommy's camera....
Drank hose water....
Ahem, drank lots of hose water....
Wore goggles indoors...
.... and cuddled.

Some of the indulgent things I did that I did NOT take pictures of:

Painted my toenails....

Watched Copious amounts of True Blood, Season one....

Took a bath in the afternoon...

Took a nap....

Ran with a friend and gossiped about True Blood....

and many more things....

It was the most relaxing vacation I have had in 6 years.

Staycations are way underrated.

I have two days left... and I can't wait!

Harrassment Devotion.

It knows no boundaries. (And yes, that is Max's leg that is lifted.)

Images Courtesy of Jacob's Lovely Aunt Amber

Exiled Into Pop Culture Oblivion

I don't really watch or read any gossip magazines, I try to stay away from all the gossip magazines aside from reviews of shows and movies and information about shows I like. Still, certain things have infiltrated my world, and I would like them to go away. I would like to call this the "Exiled into Pop Culture Oblivion". Please people, make them stop! Here are my top ten things that I wish to never hear of again:


1. Perez Hilton: Dude, as if you weren't annoying enough already. You have to go and call someone else a gay slur to "piss them off". This is not the way to show tolerance. I'm not asking you to be a spokesperson for gay rights, but I am asking you not to further perpetuate this slur.

2. Chris Brown: Not even gracing you with a picture with this one. I think this is self explanatory. Moving on....

3. Jennifer Aniston's Love Life: No, not Jennifer Aniston. Of course I love Jennifer Aniston. She's adorable! But I never want to hear another word about her love life. Never. I don't care that she went out on a date with Vince Vaughan er, John Mayer, er Bradley Cooper, and it was fun. I just don't give a rat's ass, and I really don't think her and Brad are having late night meetings behind Angelina's back, either.

4.Michael Jackson Songs: Okay, yes, it's sad he died, but guess what? I hadn't listened to his music in about 10 years; neither had anyone else. Give it a rest DJ's.... try to limit yourselves to 10 MJ songs per night, m'kay?

5. Two name combos for couples: Brangelina, Bennifer... why do people think that is fun or clever? If I heard someone using these in real life seriously, I might feel compelled to slap them. For their own good, of course.


6. Jon and Kate: This is sad, people, that people's lives and worse yet, children's lives are being ruined by fame and we are encouraging it by watching. Turn the TV show off, let the ratings slide and let those poor children have a break. Why aren't we holding executives at TLC accountable for letting this monstrosity go on for as long as it has?

7. The Hills and the Real World: Seriously MTV, stop pretending that these shows are real. Own up to the fakeness like Vh1 has. (I can't help it but I heart Rock of Love. At least it owns up to it's own trampiness campiness.)


8. Lady Gaga: Seriously WTF Lady Gaga? I know you think that you are "cutting edge" and avant garde with this getup, but really you are just coming across as misogynistic.

9. MTV: You are called Music Television, yet I have not seen a video on your channel for years! Why don't you just change your name to SRTV (scripted "reality" television)?

And finally, last but not least.....

10. Elmo: Darn Elmo, you are so over played that my little boy thinks everything RED is Elmo. I think you must have some sort of hypnosis in you vocal cords designed for children 2 and under. It's just wrong how much they love you!


Whew! Now that I got THAT off of my chest it's your turn. What things would you like to see disappear out of our pop culture lexicon?

Check back to see if I commented on your comment, I'd love to hear what's bugging you!

Not Me! Monday! Vacation Edition!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


We were on Vacation this weekend, which of course with the two little Bees and their two cousins who are 4 and under. This means that our vacation was anything but relaxing! However I can give you a rundown of things we did NOT do on Vacation, you know the things we would NEVER do- because we are such model parents, hahaha!

We did NOT make Jacob go on three boat rides, even though he was scared, just because he cuddled so close during the scary pontoon boat rides.

We did NOT take the kids out on a sunny day without sunglasses. That would be silly with their light blue eyes.

I did NOT get incredibly nervous when my daredevil child went on the Jetski for the 3rd year in a row!
We did NOT feed our kids junk like hot dogs and Popsicles all weekend because they liked it! Consequently they were NOT crazy all weekend!
Drew was NOT up until 11pm the night this was taken. We would NEVER let our son stay up THAT late to watch fireworks!
Drew did NOT catch a fish. Oh wait, that is true. Drew did NOT NOT catch a fish.
We did NOT almost run into shore a few times with Captain Drew and his wandering eyes.
This little guy is NOT the cutest "baby in the family" ever.

The cousins did NOT enjoy their time together at all!

Our family is NOT blessed, to get to spend this time together no NOT at all! I love my extended Bee clan.

I hope you all had a Great 4th of July with many Not Me!'s!