The Unbearableness of Being a Grownup

photo © 2008 Ivan Dervisevic | more info (via: Wylio)
Confession time: I am extremely shy in person.

Now, people that KNOW me who are reading this are saying- "no you're not, you big weirdo. I can't ever get you to shut up." Well, I am way outspoken and ridiculous once we are friends, I have a lot of anxiety over meeting new people. My social anxiety even extends to speaking to people I know well that I haven't seen in a long time is difficult. My stomach twists itself in knots during social occasions. I am constantly unsure of what to say. My inner monologue works overtime to trip me up, letting me know that what I said is weird or strange or stupid. I do not want to discuss anything meaningful or interesting because I am so worried I will come across as stupid or strange. (Seriously, I live my life in a constant fear of being considered stupid or strange to strangers... friends and family already know I'm strange, so I can't fear that from them.)

I know how ridiculous it is to worry so much. I know I should just BUCK UP, I'm an adult. It is excruciatingly hard for me to buck up, though. The most challenging part for me is to talk to other parents. I feel young, stupid and weird talking to them. They seem so together, and I am so not together. I have a hard time forging even a fake friendship with them. I go to an event like a birthday party and always think of what I should have said, and don't speak up enough. I wonder... does everyone feel this way? How do they deal with it?

So in conclusion, if you see me somewhere and I seem snotty or aloof, I am probably just nervous off of my butt to even talk to you. I probably love your shoes, handbag, demeanor, or jokes and it has made me way too intimidated to talk to you. Also, I am probably overly tired and a little brain fried from my day so far (this makes the condition worse). Please understand and don't judge me. I will try not to judge you either.

Drink, blog, Hiccup

Going out with some work friends tonight. We don't go out often (3 or 4 times a year- we should go more) so when we go out, we do it right.

Last time I went out with them got pretty carried away. resulting in the detagification of myself in a few Facebook pictures.

The night was a fun blur:

[Drinks, blah, blah, shot, blah, drink, blah, shot, blah, shot, blah, blah, drink, hiccup, love, friends, blah, blah, drink, hiccup, love, bill (ooh cheap! whaz fifteen percent?), bye!]

Then I spent the night at Sarah's house. (What did you think I was going to drive home?) It was mid-November and very cold out, but Sarah and I were on her deck, drinking and playing with her laptop (I know, we are craaazaay), talking a mile a minute.

[Blog blog blogs, drink, blogs, love Black Hockey Jesus, blogs, drink, Mamapop, blog, blogher, blogs drink, hiccup.]

A while later Sarah went inside to go to the bathroom. I stayed outside, playing on the laptop. Then I began to notice that I was completely numb and not from the alcohol. My feet were beginning to burn!

I proceeded to write this doozy on my facebook status page (I tried to take a snapshot of the screen, but I had a technology FAIL and was unable to do it):

Janna is sorah's house.... cold and at Sarah's house, but having fun.

After I couldn't stand the cold any longer, I walked inside and ran into Sarah coming down the hallway. "I fell asleep a little." She admitted sheepishly.

"S'okay," I told her. "I was just starting to get cold."

To this day, neither of us know exactly how long she was asleep.

Next morning, I woke up at 9am with a pounding headache and the dread of having to go home and be a functioning parent for my two children. But I had a great time.

What's the moral of the story here? Do I have to have a message? Well here is my message:

Shots are bad, mmkay?

Michigan is cold in November.

and.... it's good to get out with friends and let loose once in a while, even if it means sitting on a deck in November, freezing your ass off and talking about blogs.