Mom for a Day

Mother's day was great. Mr. B got to be Mr. Mom and be the primary caregiver of our little angel baby, Matthew.

He was exhausted and needing a break by 1pm. Methinks someone forgot what it was like to have a baby.

My favorite part of the day was when Matthew woke up from his afternoon "nap" and I got to wake up Mr. B, who fell asleep.

I know he says he knows how hard and exhausting it is, but it is different when you actually experience it. I think we all forgot what it was like to have a mobile baby in the house and we had no idea that adding a third child to the mix would feel like we added 5 children to the mix.

Matthew loves his Daddy and thinks he's a rock star. Mr. B thinks Matty's awesome too.

Don't worry, I let him take a shower at 2pm. I think that was generous of me.

I wonder how he is going to manage when I go away on a trip with my friends in the fall.


I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's day!

What We Have

It's Spring Break around here.

A lot of D and J's friends are going places. One of his friends told me nonchalantly "we are going to Disneyworld, I think."

The Bees are staying home. My not working, a new baby, and a desperate need for a new roof kept us there.

Sometimes I worry because we are in an affluent suburb that they will feel the sting of being on the lower end of the "normal" income spectrum. It's hard for me to watch as they see their friends going places and doing things we just can't afford.

Then again...

I told the boys we are going to the local Zoo. They are over the moon thrilled. They are excited to all be home as a family.

Never once did they complain about not going on a trip. Never once do they take a fun outing for granted. I can guarantee that my children will never say they are going to Disneyworld nonchalantly.

 J told me that we "don't have a lot of money". This is my fault naturally, as when they want to do something this is tooridiculous/tooexpensive/toomuchsomething, I flat out tell them it's too expensive (along with other reasons). Sometimes this is true, sometimes it's a little bit of a fib, but it stops the begging. "No," I corrected him. "We have just the right amount."

And it's true. Look at all we have.

That being said, we could still really use a vacation. Just keeping it real.

My Last Day

Today is my last day in my 20's. Tomorrow I will be (gasp) 3 decades old. I used to think that 30 was "damn old". I always assumed when I reached the mature age of 30 I would know where my life was going, what path I was taking.

So, if I am assuming this, I guess tomorrow is the day I grow up, right? Because right now I am "winging it" every single day. I am playing at the role of adult, and I cannot believe no one has called me out so far. When I am sick, I still keep thinking that my Mom will come over and take care of me. Yet I keep taking care of the kids, and in the back of my mind, I tell myself, this is only temporary, she'll be here soon and she will make french toast. I pay my bills each time, thinking that I can't believe I am allowed to touch this money, even though I (and Mr. Bee) made this money. I made a decision about getting my son circumcised for gods sakes. WHO put me in charge of that? I shouldn't be in charge of anything serious. I can't even believe that I am paid a salary over $5,000. ($5,000 was my big "you have all the money in the world amount when I was 8 years old.)

I always wonder when I will feel mature, when it will sink in that I am not playing adult and I AM an adult. I think I will always expect to have more knowledge and be more mature all of my life, and that is a good thing. It will challenge me to try harder. The only thing I can do is keep learning, keep working (a popular phrase for this is "fake it till you make it"- well I will always be "faking it") and every once in a while sit back and enjoy the journey. And try not to think of 30 as "damn old".

In addition, I hope to never be too old mature to enjoy stupid comedies, outdoor concerts, roller coasters, and beer.

** As I wrote this, I realized that Tooj wrote a similar piece about Motherhood. I wanted to highlight it because it is similar and kind of my answer to that.

Sappy Mom Musings

In Honor of Mother's Day I decided to write a post about what being a Mother means to me. Warning: If you don't like the sappy, you might want to skip this one!


Being a Mother means to me that:

The best days of my life are when my boys were born, and that will never change.

I have new found respect for my Mom. I am really appreciative for her letting me live past the age of five (totally stealing this from Holly's FB status)!

While they annoy me sometimes, I really do believe that my children are perfect.

I heart baby butts! (This is probably universal, though.)

I love even the simple strange things about my children, including especially the back of my children's heads. I don't know why, I just find something so endearing about Jacob's asymmetrical ears, and Drew's pronounced cowlick.

I will be in a constant state of worry for the rest of my life. There will never be a time in which I am completely at ease.

I will always struggle to get a picture of the kids smiling together.

I will unconditionally love my children forever. I used to ask my Mom if she would love me forever, even if I did something really, really awful, and she told me yes, always she would love me. Now I know she was telling the truth.

I am no longer repulsed by poopy diapers. Now I am just annoyed by them.

I appreciate all of the little luxuries in life.... like pooping with the door closed. Really.

I am in a constant state of me vs. the children. We all have needs and sometime I have to weigh the options because they never correspond to each other. Guess what? I almost always lose.

Sleep was WAY underrated before I had children. How I miss it so!

I will never take a vacation without my children and not think about them and miss them terribly.

I want my children to grow up right now, yet stay little forever.

The years are flying by. This makes me sad, although I do always wish for the week to go by quickly.

I am SO jealous of stay at home moms, yet I know I would be stir crazy and frustrated if I was one.

I have unconditional respect for Mothers everywhere. I know that there is no right way of parenting and the most important thing is to love your children unconditionally.

On that note.....

Happy Mother's Day Everyone! If you are a Mom, please take the time out to pamper yourself, even if it's just for a minute. As for me? Well my children took 4 poops so far collectively and I have not wiped a single butt! It's a good day! Gotta love Mr. Bee.

I know I'm a Mom because....

...the big concert tickets I score are for Bob the Builder's Live Show.

...a rocking night out also means home by 10pm.

...I tweet about how I want to drink a glass of wine and then never get around to it.


...the only picture that I have of myself is a picture of my shoes.


...it takes me a week to get to watch any DVR'ed show.

...I spell things out when talking to people for NO apparent reason.

...when I am working on something I often hum the theme from Blues Clues.

...I can't remember when I last took a shower some days.

...I have no idea how much food I have eaten at dinner, I am so busy sharing food with others.

...I get 500 free parenting related magazines a month, although I don't remember signing up for them.

...I have a backup of 500 Parenting magazines that I have not gotten around to reading.

...my google ads are usually for Pampers.

...my first thought when a celebrity screws up is how it will affect their children.

...I pick up toys more than I actually clean my house.


...I haven't had a fire in my fireplace in 4 years because I can't reach it.


...when I go to the bathroom, I always put my feet on the step stool instead of moving it.

...I immediately change into pajama pants when I get home. Who am I trying to impress?

...I get into discussions with other Mom friends about which station is better, Sprout or Noggin.

...I have discussed a backstory with Mr. Bee about Caillou. (What is going on with Caillou? Why doesn't he have any hair? Why is he so darn whiny and what's wrong with his parents?)

...I haven't gone to the bathroom alone in 4 years.

...I wake up at 7am every day, no matter what.

...I eat pizza at least 2 nights a week.

...80% of my blogs are about my children.

...I now remember my "fat" days before pregnancy as my "thin" days now.

...I have 4 gallons of Milk in my fridge and only one bottle of wine.

... I have code names with Mr. Bee about certain shows. (Bob the Builder= B the B, Curious George is CG, or as Mr. Bee affectionately refers to him as "that d-a-r-n-m-o-n-k-e-y.)

...the last ten parties I have been to have been baby showers or children's birthday parties.

...Mr. Bee and I go out more often apart than together. (Somebody has to watch the little Bees!)

...eating at a restaurant is more work than eating at home.

...I tell people I have to go "potty".

...I own less clothing than the three other boys I live with.

...my car is covered with cracker crumbs.

...I would rather have Mr. Bee clean the bathroom than buy me jewlery.

...my last vacation was to an indoor waterpark.

Finally, I know I'm a Mom because.....

...8:30 pm is my favorite time of the day.

Now Here is Where I get Sappy

When Drew was born, I did not have an epiphany. I didn't cry. I just felt relieved to be done. I remember looking at Drew, thinking, wow, who is this little alien? He's big. No wonder I was so uncomfortable! Not that I didn't love him immediately, because I did. I just didn't really understand it. I thought before I had children that feelings could be put in a little box and taken out as needed. Once Drew was born that concept completely changed for me. My love was uncontrollable.

Drew had very bad jaundice and was under bilirubin lights for the first five days of his life, while they thought he had Glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenate deficiency (G6-Pd) (he did not) and told me he “would probably be able to live a normal life”. I was not allowed to take him out from under the lights except for short feedings and diaper changes. (This was the longest five days of my life ever. I don't think I even need to really state this fact, I think it goes without saying, yet I am telling you, it was excruciating.) When we came home is when I started to really feel a connection, a strong feeling of love and maternal gratitude. I would cradle him in my arms in those first postpartum weeks and cry because I loved him so much. I now had someone so fragile to worry about for the rest of my life and it was so frighteningly overwhelming and wonderful at the same time.

Jacob was different. We bonded immediately. I looked at that little fragile face and knew what to do. I didn't doubt my instincts or my love or feel he was alien. The moment I saw Jacob, I felt that rush of love, and immediately was concerned “He's cold, he needs to be covered up”. The maternal instincts kicked in seconds after his birth. I wasn't scared or nervous like I was with Drew. I knew I could do this and therefore was very content and relaxed with him and knew that I had to cherish these memories, because the time slips by so quickly.

As much as I love them now, and I do, I feel like my heart would burst and I would give everything for them, I know that this feeling will keep growing. Being a Mom is so frightening, frustrating and crazy, yet I wouldn't change a moment of it.

I am SUPER MOM! (Update)

I made two meals this week that weren't just heated up stuff, like real cooking with recipes and measuring and stuff, and they were healthy and delicious. I also worked my full workweek, went grocery shopping, and washed and switched out Jacob's 3-6 and 6 month clothes with 6-9 month and 12 month clothes. Unbelievable. I even put on makeup today AND.... wait for it.... brushed my hair. I am a domestic goddess, I tell you.

So on the children front, Jacob is getting so close to crawling. He wants so desperately to keep up with his older brother, it cracks me up. He is obsessed with Drew, although he is saying something that sounds an awful lot like the beginnings of "Mama" (!). He has two teeth, and is so cute. Many people say that 5 months and 6 months are their favorite age, and I didn't feel that way with Drew, because he got 6 new teeth from 4 to 6 months and cried constantly (wouldn't you?). But Jacob is a little doll. I swear, if I had no common sense and we weren't broke as a joke, we would be trying for another one.

And Drew! We have had issues in the not-too-distant past, but he is really being a sweetie lately. He is also starting to listen to adult conversations too... this is good, and bad. I really have to watch all the things I say now. Also, he is.... wait for it again.... completely potty trained.
*Knocks on wood*
He even gets up at night to go potty and is accident free at night. Honestly, don't ask me how we did it, all the accolades go to Drew, if we weren't in the way, he probably would've been potty trained at 1 1/2 when he started to use the potty in the first place!

So in short, the fog is lifting off my winter depression stupor, and we are all doing well, thanks for asking! Oh wait, no one asked? I write blogs for my own self indulgence? Ahh... oh well, I do enjoy updating Sarah and Amber on things they already know! So for anyone who reads this that I DON'T talk to almost every day, thanks.

On how lame I am, revisted....

I posted last summer about how lame I thought I was because I couldn't get through one movie in one sitting, and I wondered how much lamer I could get.

Well it has happened. It takes at least 2 sittings to view a one hour show.

This is a new low in the lameness category. It ranks up there with being too tired to get up and go to the bathroom. (Which also happens to me.)

Bad, bad thoughts

I am preempting this post with one truth: I love Drew. I really do.

I just don't like him very much right now. Every day is a battle, a compromise. All I do is make different promises to the boy to get him to brush his teeth, go potty, put on clothes, take a nap, pick up toys. Every morning is my worst morning because he is ALWAYS in a bad mood. I don't ever get a chance to put on makeup before work or even brush my hair, because I am arguing and chasing him around to get clothes on him.

When he is home during any free time, he is running in a constant circle around our house screaming. He jumps on my back when I try to lean down and give any attention to Jacob.

He is also having many accidents at school, so many they called me to tell me they won't be loaning us more clothes (or that's what I got from the conversation, maybe they just want me to bring more clothes? I do EVERY DAY).

And then this morning I came in the room and he was sitting on Jacob. On his belly. When I told him not to do that, he actually got grumpy about it.

So going on these facts, I know it is not a good opinion. I am embarrassed and ashamed to say it, but I don't like him right now. I know it won't last. I know he is going through a phase and acting out. And, unlike other Moms I know, this blog is not for him, and he will never see it, so I can say how I really feel. Say things that I know other Mothers have felt but not said.

I feel like a bad Mother who has failed. Don't worry I am not going to jump off a bridge or anything, but if anyone wants to offer words of encouragement, I could use them right now....

Things are still tough, but better....

Gosh, I know, I sound like Debby Downer in my last post, it really is ridiculous. I know that I am lucky, I really do. Shaun and I have full-time jobs that pay well. Our children are safe, healthy and beautiful. We are not in debt. These are all positives! I think when you get as sleep deprived as I have been the past two months, especially in the middle of winter when you don't get any sun, depression can really take hold. I told my mom last week that I was afraid I might die due to lack of sleep and I was serious at the time. This was after a night with Jacob having a stomach bug, which Shaun and I also caught, oh joy! Stomach bugs, possums in our garage, broken finger, sinus infection, Michigan weather, this has been a year of suckage so far.

But alas.... the sky is clearing... because Jacob slept 7 1/2 hours in a row- for two nights in a row!

Now, I am not going to jinx myself and say that I think this will happen every time, but he is learning to self-sooth, thank god. Our little family unit is getting into a routine as well. I think it has helped making Drew rest or play quietly in his room for an hour each weekend day. It's helped my sanity- as all that have spent a whole day with a three year old will attest, you must be very patient, because as a side note, he has been testing us lately.

EVERYTHING is a battle. EVERYTHING. He doesn't want to put on underwear or any clothes in the morning because he doesn't want to go to work (yes, he calls childcare "work"). He wants grilled cheese, oh now he wants quesadillas oh now he wants cookies. He wants to watch Curious George (cutest movie for kids by the way), but not THAT part. Everything is a want, and getting him to ask nicely is a challenge as well. In the morning he is particularly rude to me, I think because I have to be THE ENFORCER. I get him dressed and take him to school and let me tell you, it sucks. It's the worst part of my day, and I actually dread it more than work. I feel like I have worked a whole day before work.

He can be a difficult child, so headstrong and smart, however Drew is so loving and funny when he is not challenging me- I get so many more hugs and kisses and "I Love You"s than most Mommies get with children this age. He is such a funny boy....

A Drew-ism:

When told we had a mean possum in our garage, he said, in a stern voice "We better get a nice possum." Okay, honey, we'll get right on that.

And Jacob? A total sweetheart. He is the happiest baby I have ever seen, and has a smile for all, but the biggest smile for me. I am his favorite person, and let me tell you, it rocks. I was never Drew's favorite, or any of my pets favorite for that matter. Jacob acts as if he is seeing a rock star when I come home. He is learning so much and getting to the fun baby age, where they can really laugh (he laughs so much!) and grasp things and roll over.

So- sorry for this long post- My point is-- things ARE good- sometimes I just need to remind myself how good they are.

Life is Tough

Well, I have wanted to write for a while, but truthfully I haven't had the energy. I have gone back to work and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I will write more about it, but, being the sleep deprived moron I am, I broke my finger and thus cannot type very well.

I am exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I have no time for myself, the only reason I can write this is because I stayed home with the kids because Jacob is sick (again) and there is a blizzard outside.

I will go over the basics though of the things I have wanted to blog about....

Drew turned 3 on January 27. He is a big boy now, although he has been lax in his potty training lately.

Jacob is sick all of the time.

They changed my job title at work, but have yet to really inform me of what that means. I am a Project Associate now. Um... ok.

I am breastfeeding still and it is miserable. Not the feeding but the pumping. I pump in my cubicle. Yes, I do.

I have barely lost any pregnancy weight. It is sad, but I have no time and have been stressed so I am making poor eating decisions.

Jacob is not sleeping through the night at all anymore- what happened?

Oh yeah, breaking my finger. It really sucks to break your finger when you have a newborn and toddler and are working full-time.


What a downer of a blog huh? I have nothing positive to say except that I still love my children and husband. So I will leave you with a cute picture to make it all better.

My Adorable little Men!

It's not like I want to brag, but....

It's amazing how much you love your children on a full night's sleep. Jacob slept over 10 hrs last night from 8:15 pm to 6:30 am and when he woke up I was very excited to see him and very proud. Just like I am proud of Drew for being potty trained already. It is just amazing, I'm pretty lucky to have such amazing kids.

Sorry, just had to brag a little. Now I'm done and you can stop gagging.

They are pretty damn adorable too!



Okay, I am done, for now at least.

My New Interest

Lately it seems that all I can think about is my children's poo-poo and pee-pee. Drew is potty training, (and he is doing well, thank you for asking- did you know he usually holds his pee-pee through the night?) and it is an all consuming task. Cleaning up after it, asking him if he needs to go, making him try if he says no, washing his clothes out when he has an accident, checking his childcare sheet to see how he did all day, planning out alternate outfits for when he has another accident at school.... I could go on for a while here. I'll stop.

To top that off, my other son, Jake, only goes poop every 6 days (average). His Doctor says it's normal, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it a lot. I mean, when it happens, it's like an explosion. It's quite disturbing. It doesn't help that everyone thinks I am somehow responsible for this. My Mom has even told me to eat more bran and take Metamucil. She doesn't quite understand that I'm not the one constipated here! (Actually, neither is Jake).

This new found "interest" of mine has led to some lengthy conversations with my sister (who is going through a different "potty obsession" at her childcare), my mom (we discussed my children's poop for about 15 minutes during lunch- I know- the other day), my husband, and even my one and only friend who has a child.

You'd think I might have something more exciting to talk about, but I don't. My life is all about excrement.

Somehow you'd think this would depress me, but it doesn't. I'm pretty damn happy for someone who thinks about shit all day. Pretty crazy huh?

Terrible Twos

If you are childless, do not read this. As many people will tell you once you have kids, no one tells you all of the bad stuff about having children. I didn't know anything about the bad when I was pregnant (besides the obvious), only the good. I've thought about this, and here are 2 theories:

1. It's an evolutionary thing. If people had shared all of the bad stuff about parenthood, no one would have kids, and then the population would die out. It's part of the reason babies of animals are so darn cute (that way thier mommy and daddy animals will want to take care of them) <-That I do know is true.

2. People don't tell you about all this shit because they WANT you desperately to have children and destroy your life like they did so they are not alone, and also so that they have other Mommies and Daddies to commisserate with.

I believe these theories are both true, so on that note, all parentless souls, stop reading. I don't want to stop you from sharing in all of our joy. (Being a Mom is wonderful, I really do love it, I just feel cynical today, I promise!)

All of you lucky Moms and Dads, read on.....

This morning, as per usual, I woke up to the sound of wailing 25 minutes before my alarm goes off. I enter my son's room, one eye open, stumbling around in a drunken sailor-like fashion. He is practically falling out of his crib, trying to escape. I pick him up and ask if he is thirsty. "Da," he replies like a little dutchman, nodding his head. I take him into the kitchen.

"Do you want some milk?"

"Da."

I open the refrigerator. Suddenly, all hell breaks loose. He starts shrieking. "What?" I ask. Then my favorite new phrase: "Use your words, Drew."

No answer, he just gets louder.

Then my second favorite phrase. "Please show me."

He points at the cupboard. "Crackers."

"No,we are having breakfast right now, we don't eat crackers for breakfast."

Louder shrieks continue. I say shrieks but really there is no word for this ungodly sound coming out of his mouth. I am a little afraid we might have to call a priest for an exorcism. I can barely look at him, for fear his head might start spinning around.

I set him down in his high chair, as he is still wailing. At this point there are no words to sooth or calm this devil child, and all I can do at this point is wait for a moment when he catches his breath. "Drew, how about some muffins instead?"

The wailing has ceased, which is a good thing because I would've had to leave the room screaming in about ten seconds. "Da," he says in a little voice.

"Can you say please?" I ask, clearly pushing my luck.

"Peas?"

"Thank you," I say, pretending as if nothing had even happened. Inside, I am ready to tear my hair out. While I may have won the battle, I lost the war, even though there is blueberries in the muffin, the crackers are probably better for him.

Then there is the battle to get dressed, the war of the woulds, and the buckling into the car conference. Halfway through my car ride to child care I realize I have not eaten or brushed my hair, I left my purse in the house and my shirt's on inside out.

Isn't it great to be a parent?

Bad Mom things

Okay, most of us who are Moms have done some despicable things which we will NOT mention. Here is a couple that I WILL mention... and I would like to let everyone know that I am not proud of all of them... but some of them I am kind of proud of!

1. I have stuck a pacifer/sippy/ spoon in my mouth to clean it after it has fallen. (Hey, doesn't 65 second rule still count?)

2. I have let my son watch something borderline appropriate just to get a minute of rest. (It is only TV-14 if you don't cover his eyes during the questionable parts.)

3. I have let my son play with questionable objects. (Make-up brushes are okay, right? I'm not scarring him for life, am I?)

4. I have breastfed in compromising situations. (And I would do it again, in a heartbeat. If it bothers you, here's the great things about eyes, they have the ability to LOOK AWAY.Take advantage of it!)

5. I have missed, on numerous occasions, my pre-mommy life. (Come on, we all have. If you haven't, I must question your pre-mommy life.)

6. I have sometimes stared at pictures of my baby in awe and amazement. Don't we all think we have the most beautiful baby?

7. I have shown MASSIVE amounts of PDA in front of everyone.

8. I let him have a sip of pop (or soda, if you prefer) to get him to quiet down.

9. I have used my dog as a bribe. (If you haven't, your offspring does not love animals as much as mine does.)

10. I have cried about being a bad mom, only the next day to feel that I am a great mom.

Parenthood is a roller coaster isn't it? Yet I would not change anything about it. I also can't wait to have another one (as long as I don't think about the logistics for too long!! :)