Social Media Overload

Lately I feel overwhelmed with the amount of articles everywhere on how to be a better Mom. I especially feel overwhelmed trying to sort through what I should be feeding my children, how I should never yell (I do, it's my fiery Italian side-I'm working on it), how often I should play with my children, whether my house should be clean or dirty, etc. The current trend I have seen is- No yelling (but you should still discipline, but find a way to do that promotes self esteem), do not clean (but be organized), eat organic (but don't, or don't stress over it) play more with your children (but don't get them more toys, be creative), be more flexible (but still have a schedule), don't plan so many activities and extracurriculars for your children (then, again, you probably should).

After reading all this, I am pretty sure I am the world's worst parent. Every time I get on the Internet I feel less sure and more wary of what the heck I should be doing. I've lost the ability to critically think for myself. It's ridiculous.

So this weekend, on this great Holiday weekend, I am shutting it off. No facebook, no email, no twitter, no instagram. I need technology free and I'm going to try to live (and parent) without it.

At least I will for 3 days.

What We Have

It's Spring Break around here.

A lot of D and J's friends are going places. One of his friends told me nonchalantly "we are going to Disneyworld, I think."

The Bees are staying home. My not working, a new baby, and a desperate need for a new roof kept us there.

Sometimes I worry because we are in an affluent suburb that they will feel the sting of being on the lower end of the "normal" income spectrum. It's hard for me to watch as they see their friends going places and doing things we just can't afford.

Then again...

I told the boys we are going to the local Zoo. They are over the moon thrilled. They are excited to all be home as a family.

Never once did they complain about not going on a trip. Never once do they take a fun outing for granted. I can guarantee that my children will never say they are going to Disneyworld nonchalantly.

 J told me that we "don't have a lot of money". This is my fault naturally, as when they want to do something this is tooridiculous/tooexpensive/toomuchsomething, I flat out tell them it's too expensive (along with other reasons). Sometimes this is true, sometimes it's a little bit of a fib, but it stops the begging. "No," I corrected him. "We have just the right amount."

And it's true. Look at all we have.

That being said, we could still really use a vacation. Just keeping it real.

Excess Baggage

Part of my whole process of trying to find my balance in my life is eliminating all of the clutter in my house. After all, if my house feels unbearably small, the best way to change that, short of moving, is to get rid of stuff. I cannot believe how much stuff we have. It's definitely turned into "baggage".


First of all, I am finally removing all of the baby stuff from our house that I have been holding onto. Yes, we may or may not have another baby, but most of that stuff is gross after sitting in the basement or garage for 4 years, not to mention probably recalled. So I am letting go of that worry. Que sera, right?

Also-- holding onto my larger clothes is not an incentive to keep the weight off. It also doesn't make me feel better about my self and the state of my will power.

So maybe once I remove some of the excess, I will feel better about my state of the house.

What is some of your excess "baggage"?

Also- I cannot forget how the happy meal toys are going to magically disappear....shhhh....It's our little secret right?

To Three or not to Three?

photo © 2005 Marco Bellucci | more info (via: Wylio)
I have been going back and forth with my husband over the same topic for two years. I always think we have resolved the issue, and that we are moving on with an answer. Unfortunately, both of us keep losing our resolve.

The issue is whether or not to have another child. I have always wanted to have a girl, and when the ultrasound revealed that we were having another boy four years ago, a part of that dream died for me. I love my two boys without question and would not change a thing about them, but I still sometimes feel sad that I will not have a relationship with a daughter like my Mom and I have.

Then, once Jacob was born, the question became: will we try again for a girl? Both my husband and I have changed our minds on this so many times over the years. He was against it for a while, wanting to wait until we were "financially stable". Then he realized that "financially stable" was a phrase that was synonymous with "fairy tale". I decided last summer that I wanted another child once I lost x amount of weight. Then I changed my mind, and decided that I didn't want to buy diapers anymore when Jacob was quickly potty trained. I thought this was the last word and that my husband did not want another child....

....Then a month ago he began cooing over babies. It turns out someone has baby fever and it is not me for once. (I may have had an inkling about this turn of events coming when he seemed a little saddened by my decision for no more children; I tried to ignore this.)

Now the question has become: am I willing to revisit something I had stopped thinking about? The idea of having another child is terrifying and exciting all at once. I can sit here and go over pros and cons, but honestly, I will never come to a decision that way. I'm not sure this feeling of uncertainty will ever go away. Is that uncertainty enough reason to have another child? All of the reasons not to have another child really seem selfish and silly, but haven't I earned the right to be a little selfish? It is my body that will be taken over again.

Also, babies turn into two year olds. They all do eventually. That idea alone is terrifying.

Has anyone gone through anything similar and if so, what did you decide?

People want to be my twitter follower, here is why:

Having a twitter account makes me able to say some really awesome things. Don't you wish you followed me on Twitter?

My topics include humping...

digestive bodily functions...

and then there is this:

Winner winner, chicken dinner?

If you like this kind of thing, (and who doesn't?) you can follow me here. I will follow you back, you lucky thing.

Infuriated and Grateful

I want to thank you all.

Thank you for your tweets and comments after this post. I felt so alone and sad after it happened and I reached out with my story that embarrassed me, and you guys embraced it.

Now I don't feel alone and sad, but mad and pissed off at the stupid woman and society in general. Why woman are made to feel badly about their bodies and their various shapes and forms, I will never know, but I am not going to apologize for mine, or feel embarrassed or sad about it. I know I will still have my moments of self doubt, but right now in my newly realized feelings of self worth (that I can thank you for letting me realize, dear readers and commenters) I know that it is her problem with her diarrhea of the mouth, and not my problem. I shouldn't make it my issue.

Thank you for that.

Addictions

Can someone help me with my addition to exclamation points? I mean not everything is that exciting! It's horrible! Are there any twelve step programs out there for this? I have broken myself of double exclamation points by going cold turkey, do you suppose I should do that, or should I just slowly wean?

Maybe I am just juxtaposing* this with my bigger worry... weaning Mr. Calamity off of his Pacifiers.

Oh hell, this is going to be a bitch.

**Yes I Googled juxtaposition to see if I used it correctly, and I'm not sure I did, but I like the word and I tried to sound smart. Don't judge me.

On the Run

Yep, those are our shoes. Mine are the second from the left. If you didn't notice, I have almost the same size shoes as Mr. Bee. Size eleven, or on good days, ten. Let the "bigfoot" jokes commence (and just wait until I take a picture of my hands)!


Also notice: my shoes are falling apart. From overuse. I have been working out a lot. A lot of people have said recently how great I look, how I look like I have lost weight. I haven't lost any, not even a pound, since my 6 pound weight loss. It's very frustrating. Of course, I know, muscle weighs more than fat, still I know that the calories I am burning compared to what I am eating should mean I would lose some weight, right? Anyway, for now I am done with South Beach and trying just to have a healthy diet and I am focusing on working out instead.

Even though my shoes are falling apart, the expense of new shoes is not something we can truly afford, as we should be living on essentials and saving money because Mr. Bee has been laid off one week, and will be laid off for another week sometime this summer. There aren't any words on how I feel about this. I find it so disheartening that we struggling so hard and yet getting nowhere. It feels like we are swimming and just barely keeping our heard above the surface, and just when I think we will break free and make it to land, someone puts another weight or burden on us.




Nobody told me being an adult was this hard.




I am glad I never wished away my childhood, like others did. I loved being a kid. In fact on that note, we are celebrating my birthday present this Saturday and going to Cedar Point, just Mr. Bee and me. I know what you are saying- but you can't afford new shoes, why are you going to Cedar Point?


Because sometimes it's important to be a kid again, even for a day. Even if it means you run in janky size eleven shoes.


On a happier note, I got to meet a new little guy, Aiden. He's adorable and smells like baby and coos. It's enough to make me want another baby myself... that is until I get a call from childcare telling me that Mr. Calamity bit another toddler.

Insert cute picture that makes you love Mr. Calamity again.

There, that's better.

PS Still can't wait to meet the other new little guy, Beck. (What's with everyone having boys?)

PSS Thank you to all of you who have been sticking with and reading me even in my funks. I have been very busy and I promise to get back to all soon. I think I should feel pretty refreshed by Sunday. Let's hope, right?

My strange addiction to Curious George or how I learned to let go.

Okay, so maybe it's not me, but my son. His favorite nighttime activity is to cuddle with me and watch Curious George. "Mommy, I saved you a spot!" he always says gleefully. While the dishes need to be done, and laundry folded, I bypass them to sit and watch Curious George with him. I give him kisses on his head as he cuddles in my arms. I know I will have to work extra hard and maybe get less time to myself, but I think it's worth it. He's almost four, and he's growing up so fast. Pretty soon he will be in Kinddergarten and then Elementary School. Then I will miss these days and wonder why I was in such a hurry to clean up dishes when I could've spent that time cherishing his little boy cheeks and the tuft of his light blond hair that sticks up in the back. Because soon enough he will have brown hair, thick "big boy" hair that lays flat, and his chubby cheeks will be replaced by a slim face. Soon enough it won't be "cool" to hang out with Mom and he will not want cuddles and kisses. Soon enough he won't be my baby anymore and he will be too big to curl up in my arms, and yet....

There will always be laundry and dishes.

So I take this time. I store it in the back of my mind, savoring my little boy and how we had this special time that he wanted to spend with only me.

Even if it means I have seen every episode of Curious George. Hey, it's better than Bob the Builder.

Pat Myself on the Back Time

Okay, so today I did something for myself. I stood up for me. I said what I thought and what I have been meaning to say for a long time. I was assertive and I got the job done. I was petrified of dealing with this issue, but I followed through and managed to not get emotional about it, and what do you know, something positive happened from it. I was straightforward, honest, and dare I say it? Brave. And I pretty damn proud of myself for doing so.

Those of you that know me well know what I am talking about.

It only took (almost) 29 years, a marriage, two children and a mortgage, but I am finally growing up.

Yay me!

Okay, maybe not THAT grown up, but who wants to be THAT grown up?

These things I know to be true.....

Someecards are really absurd and funny. Sending them makes me giggle.

Being a parent is challenging and rewarding, but it is not the end all be all. There are a lot of things in life that are challenging and rewarding, this just happens to be my path.

There are people out there who expect something for doing nothing and people out there who expect nothing for doing something. I hope to one day be less of the former and more of the latter.

I spend WAY too much time worrying about others.

I spend WAY too much time worrying about things I can't control.

I spend WAY too much time worrying in general.

I will never stop loving MSU Basketball.


I really enjoy spending time with my family and my husband's family. I know this is considered odd, I consider it really lucky.

I would do anything to go on Vacation.

I am in a weird generation in which I know what life was like before the internet, although I can't imagine life without it.

I am also in a generation where we will make less money than our parents even though we are more educated than them.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush is a really dumb saying.


If you are good at your job, then inevitably you are probably doing your job and someone else's as well.

Spring makes me lazy and happy.

I will never be as good of a cook as my Mom is, however I can sing better. Thbt.