On three

My wise sister-in-law once told me a joke she heard by a comedian (not sure who) that having a third baby  is like being handed a baby while you are drowning (or something like that). It's totally true. When you have your second baby you think how much harder it is with more than one. Well, when you have the third, all that impossibleness of two seems so easy. It's true that with the day to day stuff I feel like a seasoned veteran, but as far as any quality of life for myself or any time to do anything, I feel like I am just keeping my head above water. I miss a full nights sleep, a shower, time to work out, time to spring clean and organize.... and this blasted never-ending winter isn't helping either.

It's a good thing he's so damn cute.

Stressimessiness

So, I know I have been gone a while. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I have been so wrapped up in the stressimessiness (my new word) of it for a while, it's been hard to see anything else. To start:

I'm officially unemployed, and now am a stay at home mom, unless by some miracle I find a job that's flexible and pays me as much or more as my last job.

I'm trying (rather unsuccessfully) to work on our house in the hopes that we can sell it next year. So far I have gotten nothing done because-

Jacob is not reacting well to all of these changes and to being a 3 year old in general.

He is driving. me. slowly. insane. I cannot take any more. What have I gotten myself into? I have talked to his teachers, and seen him around others, and it seems that I am getting the worst treatment.

He doesn't listen to me at all and he doesn't care. He's faced every kind of consequence a little boy could face, and it doesn't matter to him. It's awful, it's time-consuming, and it's tearing me apart.

Most of the time, while I may love him, I don't like him, not even a little bit, right now. I feel terrible about this. Also- there are these moments when he is still so sweet and they make everything else seem that much worse.

Where's my little guy? I miss him so much. he's been tough for a while now, but this is ridiculous. Drew was tough at 3 and turned into this amazing, caring little guy at 4, and I am hoping Jacob does the same. His 4th birthday is only 4 days away. Let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

Also, any suggestions would be very welcome right now.

Schtuff

My writer's block is running so deep lately. Mostly it's due to a development in my life that is ongoing, frustrating and a big old fat secret. No really, I am not allowed to talk about it. So I will try and push that big minefield out of my mind.....

... I'm working on it. I'm also trying to remember what it's like to be happy. I love my family, but I have so much weighing on my mind for almost a year now, and I just can't shake this funk. I just feel sad and stressed all of the time, and it doesn't ever completely go away, even when I having fun, it's still there in the back, trying to screw everything up.

In other news, the boys (all 3 of them) are great. The dog is farty. Our house is falling apart. You know, the usual.

I just have to get through the next few months and things should at least be less up in the air and I will have piece of mind.

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Housekeeping:

Lately I have found that I like to post on my facebook fan page. I'll admit I thought it was kind of silly to have a fan page, but now I love it. I love that it's a community that actually "knows" me, even if it's through my blog. You all know my better than that guy who had a locker next to me in High School. It's really comforting. Anyway, if you are not part of my fan page, please join me, and also tell me about your page so I can join.

I have a Giveaway up on my review blog, please go check it out, it's super easy to enter.

Thinking of Springing

I've been working on decluttering... our house, my life, my feelings. I'm hoping for a fresh start. People have been asking me if this month has been easier than last month. The answer is yes and no. The past two months have been scary and hard, but I'm confident that one day I will feel like a grown up and be ready to tackle all of my problems..... er, right? With my job more than likely ending, I am at a crossroads and want to make the correct decisions. Lately I've been feeling like I've made some bad ones in the past that I cannot escape. Someone give me a cheat sheet (or a crystal ball), I need the answers!

On a more humorous note:

This family is so ready for spring and ready to be uncooped from our house. It has become a jungle gym in here.

I am also celebrating spring by trying to declutter myself as well. So far 9 pounds down. Unfortunately this only takes care of the "stress eating" that took place this Winter. I am hoping to drop at least 20 more pounds, hopefully by my birthday in mid-May, wish me luck!

Signs I May Need a Vacation

I am literally the busiest I have been in my life. Between a crazy-overwhelming workload and taking care of a Kindergartner who spends more time being shuttled from place to place than attending school, a Preschooler who goes to a different school, and a neurotic puppy that needs attention all the time, I am stretched thinner than a rubber band. I've tried to remain calm, stoic, but I have no outlet to vent my stress. Recently I have noticed that my lack of relaxation is starting to take its toll on me.  I've started exhibiting odd behaviors:

I went to go get supplies for work, and drove halfway home without thinking about it.

I dialed 9 to get an outside line.... calling my Mom from my home phone.

I sometimes aimlessly wander into the kitchen at work, and wonder why I got there (it usually has to do with going to the printing room).

I've totally started to talk to myself.

I only really want to watch one show right now: "How I Met your Mother", because there are no stressful situations in the show.

I sent an envelope, a bill and NO CHECK to my childcare.

Seriously, I am in need of some palm trees, warm beaches and Corona, stat. Who's with me? And better yet, if you're with me, are you paying?