March 6, 2008

Bad, bad thoughts

I am preempting this post with one truth: I love Drew. I really do.

I just don't like him very much right now. Every day is a battle, a compromise. All I do is make different promises to the boy to get him to brush his teeth, go potty, put on clothes, take a nap, pick up toys. Every morning is my worst morning because he is ALWAYS in a bad mood. I don't ever get a chance to put on makeup before work or even brush my hair, because I am arguing and chasing him around to get clothes on him.

When he is home during any free time, he is running in a constant circle around our house screaming. He jumps on my back when I try to lean down and give any attention to Jacob.

He is also having many accidents at school, so many they called me to tell me they won't be loaning us more clothes (or that's what I got from the conversation, maybe they just want me to bring more clothes? I do EVERY DAY).

And then this morning I came in the room and he was sitting on Jacob. On his belly. When I told him not to do that, he actually got grumpy about it.

So going on these facts, I know it is not a good opinion. I am embarrassed and ashamed to say it, but I don't like him right now. I know it won't last. I know he is going through a phase and acting out. And, unlike other Moms I know, this blog is not for him, and he will never see it, so I can say how I really feel. Say things that I know other Mothers have felt but not said.

I feel like a bad Mother who has failed. Don't worry I am not going to jump off a bridge or anything, but if anyone wants to offer words of encouragement, I could use them right now....

1 comment:

  1. I can actually relate already. When Noah was between 1 month and 4 months, he was crying A LOT. I loved him so much but it was hard to like him sometimes. It is hard to say that about a newborn, but it was very difficult. Just know that all moms go through it. I am part of a forum of moms and they were talking about this same thing. Good luck and I hope he grows out of this very soon!




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