September 3, 2009

Fall is Overrated

Ahhh Fall.... the cool crisp air, apple cider, pumpkin carving, Halloween... what is there not to love?

Plenty. Look, people, I like Fall, but people always romanticize the season. Really, one forgets sometimes how much there is to hate in the Fall. In fact, @Carmasez* and I got into a negativathon last night, bashing fall on twitter. (I totally started it, I will admit.) We came up with some great hate and it inspired me to write the post I had been kicking around in my head for a week. Here are my reasons why Fall is overrated.

I live near Michigan State University, which is one of the largest campuses anywhere. Over 20,000 students fluctuate back into our little town and congest our stores, our roads and our restaurants in the fall. I hear you saying "oh, it's good for your economy". Economy schconomy. I don't give a crap when I need to go buy emergency diapers, diaper rash cream and wipes due to a sudden outbreak of stomach flu in the Bee house (look I didn't even mention poop, oh wait...) and have to wait behind a gaggle of tanorexic, rail thin college freshman who are wearing pajamas as they have just decided to get out of bed and go to the store at 4pm. I mean I have only been up for 9 hours longer than them, I don't want to hear how they are tired and hungover they are, and who hooked up with whom. Maybe I should bump them with my cart and yell "make sure to use birth control or you could end up with a cart full of this", and then they'll run away from me, (because I'm crazy) making me next in line.

I know what you are thinking... but Janna, I love Halloween. Well, I don't, I'll tell you why... Candy. In fact out of the words of @Carmasez "[the] glut of Halloween candy that lasts forever and I usually end up finishing since I have no control". Don't even tell me it's not true for you, it's true for everyone, and especially for those with children, because none of us really want our kids to have that much candy. So in my mind, I cannot waste, and the majority goes into my stomach. (This same theory applied the first time I drank with my best friend in High School. I thought she had too much to drink, but I didn't want to throw away the vodka, so instead I drank more to combat her drinking. Yeah, genius move, I know. Guess who ended up hugging the porcelain goddess I now call a potty? I'll give you a hint- it wasn't my friend. But I am totally, ridiculously digressing and talking about puke AGAIN.)

Also- seriously women, we set women's lib back decades each Halloween with our choices in slutty costumes. I am not one to talk, I've done it too, but the older I get, the more annoyed I get when I see it. It is never warm on Halloween, and yet, there you are, tanorexic, wraith-like, well-rested, long-haired freshman girl, parading around in lingerie and pretending it's a COSTUME. Then, if I get a costume, I feel the need to look pretty, not slutty, not gruesome, but inventive. I ALWAYS fail. always. Then I end up wearing cat ears and whiskers and a skirt, and pretending it's a costume, and feeling much more confident that I am better than you scantily clad women, because at least I am wearing clothes, if not so much a costume.

I know many people like "brisk fall air" but have you ever felt what "brisk fall air" feels like at 6am? It feels like fricking Winter air for God's sake. Then I have to get my kids ready and prepared in clothes that can withstand a 20-30 degree temperature shift. Plus @Carmasez lists "scaly skin" as a reason to hate Fall. I am with her. It's NOT pretty.

Yeah, it's pretty... and then it falls. Then Mr. Bee and I spend a WHOLE weekend cleaning up. All weekend, no exaggeration.

You know you want a piece of this sweet Fall action.

For many, the word is enough said. Still, there are parts I like, but that's not what I am talking about today, is it?

First of all tailgating. I hate it. You are telling me I should wake up at 7am, get all bundled up, spend 20 minutes packing up the car, drive 2 miles, unpack the car, set up folding chairs and all the food and drink I prepared the night before so that I can sit/stand around and drink in the frigid cold? Why don't I just crack open a beer on my deck? Oh, that's right, because then I would be known as an ALCOHOLIC who drinks in the morning. Don't forget you must drink a lot to stay warm, and then you have to pee all of the time, and wait in line to use a port 'o potty, and unbundle your ten pairs of pants in the portable john. Did I mention you are then drunk at 10am? Talk about ruining a Saturday!

I can tell you what I am thinking in this pic. I am thinking, "why am I up so early on a Saturday?"

Don't forget about what @Carmasez calls "Football Widowhood". There is never get a break from football in the fall because it's on all of the time, and then Mr. Bee has to go to the game and tailgate and I'm stuck with the kids or I bring them to the tailgate and am miserable the whole time, chasing them around. Then Mr. Bee gets dropped off at home and he's hungover and miserable and he's ruined his Saturday. I can't forget all the time needed for Mr. Bee to work on his Fantasy Football team. Ugh, Fantasy Football. It's fun for the first two weeks, and then I have to feign interest in my team because I am so over it by then, but it makes Mr. Bee happy to compete, so I do it anyway, and then all the guys are pissed when I win the league again (because there is an inverse correlation between how much you care about your team and how well you do in your Fantasy League).


Yeah, I know, it tastes good. With Halloween, Thanksgiving and Cider Mill visits, when in the heck am I supposed to diet?

With Fall comes the end of flip-flops and the beginning of socks, boots, coats mittens, hats... all which have to be put on my children too. Try putting a 4 year old's hands in gloves, it is a lesson in patience and perseverance. Plus, it also means @Carmasez says, having to break out the granny sweaters. (Apparently she has seen my closet.)

Let's look at the really big picture here, why the coming of Fall disturbs me so much: Fall means Summer is over, and for us Michiganians it means we are just a few short weeks until Winterville USA. I might dislike Fall sometimes, but I LOATHE Winter.

*I was told to put her quotes in boldface and large font. I follow the rules you see! Are you following her yet? Go follow @Carmasez and tell her Janna sent ya. (She didn't ask me to say that, either.)

Now it's your your turn. What do you dislike about Fall?


  1. Bold and Large - just like I like it- LOL Do you mean to tell me we soon get to negativize Winter, too? Count me in :D Let's preschedule our tweetathon.

    Wonder if @Chippewa29 will get to read this so he can scoff at all the football disses ;-)

  2. Bwahahaha, here I am!. Having attended college in the pair of Mittens and living in that great state I will admit that summer is a two week season but that just gives you longer Spring & Fall seasons. I won't continue with the fall positiveness, but just leave you with this, (complete with cheerleaders) GO FALL!

  3. So, YES. I agree. With all of it. Except the football part. Can I exclude the football part? That and basketball are the only two things that get me through my winter/cold weather blues. Seriously. :) Happy Friday!

  4. Carma- Yes, we do! I think we need to schedule it in November- that's when Winter begins in Michigan!

    Mark- Cheerleaders. There's another thing I hate about Fall! (Just kidding, Amber, Kristy, and Anna.
    PS I was totally just about to tweet you about this post!

  5. Stopping over from SITS. I have to say, I LOVE the fall. I cannot wait for it. I actually wish it was just fall and winter back to back all year 'round instead of ever having to deal with the summer. I don't hate spring as much as I do the summer, but I prefer fall and winter to spring too.

  6. LOL I know it's hard. I hate when it gets cold but I LOVE football and Halloween... I always dreamed about having a halloween themed wedding, too weird?!

  7. You so nailed it! I live a little bit to the South of you, you know the better state, OH- IO, see I have to hear that all of FALL, and I totally get that Fall is the big Notice that WINTER is coming, YUCK!!!

    What is weird is I had almost this exact discussion with my daughter. The only thing is she loves football and watches it with her Dad and goes to all the Buckeye games. I on the other hand watch movies, no tailgating for me. And no way would you catch me doing Fantasy Football, so good for you trying to parttake in something with your husband!!!

  8. Happy Sharefest Saturday! I'm stopping by from SITS to say hi!

  9. All I've been reading on blogs lately is how wonderful fall is. Don't get me wrong, there are things I like, but there are also things I dislike. It was refreshing to read your list!

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

  10. Your list is too funny! (Something wasn't loading right here, so I'm not sure if this is your latest post or is the latest one that will load with a huge blank spot at the top of my screen)

    I agree with many of your issues. I'm not a fan of Halloween--I feel too much pressure to decorate, dress up, etc. A girl I work with came to the office last year in her Play Boy Bunny costume. She looked great, but a tad inappropriate. A lot inappropriate!

    I still get reminded of "back to school" when fall is in the air. No fun.

    I agree. Fall is overrated.

  11. I live in AZ so none of those awesome fall things here...I sure do miss that weather change though! Halloween is my favorite holiday....the kids are already on countdown mode!!!

    Stopping in from SITS...Happy Saturday sharefest.

    PS....the girl who designed my blog never could figure out how to number my comments like this....would you please share how you do it?


  12. Oh, my gosh!!!! I LOVE this. You speak my language, girl. And I'm in Nashville. But, yes, the cold, the itchy skin, the dead leaves. And by Nov. 1, it's dark at 5 p.m. here. I'm so with you.

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

  13. I'm not a fan of tailgating either. I especially don't get the all-day aspect of it. All day? Really? Can't we just get there 10 minutes before the game starts?? (Me to my husband)

  14. Hi, I'm stopping by from SITS! I wanted to share some comment love! I'm one of those who LOVES Fall and Football but I don't like Halloween. However, I live in the deep south and I HATE the HOT, HUMID summers here just as much as you hate the cold, wet winters up there. I would gladly swap with you any day. I'm with Sara Elizabeth Bonds who commented and said she would like to have fall and winter back to back all year 'round. That would be heaven in my book!



    Teresa <><

  15. I love Halloween too! Even though it's nearly too months away, I've already got a ladybug costume all picked out for my little one. She's still too young to walk to get the candy, but it's never too early to go door to door! :)

  16. Well, you know I lived there and so I understand what you're saying completely! I never did the tailgating, never will, and really, you have to be under a certain age (usually the legal one) to enjoy alcohol before noon.

    Oops, I might have worn one of those sex-ay costumes once upon a time too. (I was a french maid. What was I thinking? I'm all about the witch now where it's ALL covered up with a big old forgiving black robe.

    Your post made me laugh like crazy and since I'm a fellow Michigander, I just get it, get it, get it!

  17. It's funny that I read this today because I've been thinking all morning about how excited I am for fall!!! Sweater weather and fuzzy blankets on the couch! Count me in!

    I don't like football but I can so easily ignore it so it almost doesn't exist. I also don't like student season.

    We will have to enjoy some spiked apple cider on my porch while wearing sweaters & looking at my pretty leaves that you won't have to rake to reshape that attitude.

  18. Thanks for a great laugh. As much as I love fall, sorry, I hate some of the same things that you so especially girls who dress up like hookers for Halloween. Whores.



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