Fall is Overrated

Ahhh Fall.... the cool crisp air, apple cider, pumpkin carving, Halloween... what is there not to love?

Plenty. Look, people, I like Fall, but people always romanticize the season. Really, one forgets sometimes how much there is to hate in the Fall. In fact, @Carmasez* and I got into a negativathon last night, bashing fall on twitter. (I totally started it, I will admit.) We came up with some great hate and it inspired me to write the post I had been kicking around in my head for a week. Here are my reasons why Fall is overrated.

THE RETURN OF THE STUDENTS

I live near Michigan State University, which is one of the largest campuses anywhere. Over 20,000 students fluctuate back into our little town and congest our stores, our roads and our restaurants in the fall. I hear you saying "oh, it's good for your economy". Economy schconomy. I don't give a crap when I need to go buy emergency diapers, diaper rash cream and wipes due to a sudden outbreak of stomach flu in the Bee house (look I didn't even mention poop, oh wait...) and have to wait behind a gaggle of tanorexic, rail thin college freshman who are wearing pajamas as they have just decided to get out of bed and go to the store at 4pm. I mean I have only been up for 9 hours longer than them, I don't want to hear how they are tired and hungover they are, and who hooked up with whom. Maybe I should bump them with my cart and yell "make sure to use birth control or you could end up with a cart full of this", and then they'll run away from me, (because I'm crazy) making me next in line.

HALLOWEEN

I know what you are thinking... but Janna, I love Halloween. Well, I don't, I'll tell you why... Candy. In fact out of the words of @Carmasez "[the] glut of Halloween candy that lasts forever and I usually end up finishing since I have no control". Don't even tell me it's not true for you, it's true for everyone, and especially for those with children, because none of us really want our kids to have that much candy. So in my mind, I cannot waste, and the majority goes into my stomach. (This same theory applied the first time I drank with my best friend in High School. I thought she had too much to drink, but I didn't want to throw away the vodka, so instead I drank more to combat her drinking. Yeah, genius move, I know. Guess who ended up hugging the porcelain goddess I now call a potty? I'll give you a hint- it wasn't my friend. But I am totally, ridiculously digressing and talking about puke AGAIN.)

Also- seriously women, we set women's lib back decades each Halloween with our choices in slutty costumes. I am not one to talk, I've done it too, but the older I get, the more annoyed I get when I see it. It is never warm on Halloween, and yet, there you are, tanorexic, wraith-like, well-rested, long-haired freshman girl, parading around in lingerie and pretending it's a COSTUME. Then, if I get a costume, I feel the need to look pretty, not slutty, not gruesome, but inventive. I ALWAYS fail. always. Then I end up wearing cat ears and whiskers and a skirt, and pretending it's a costume, and feeling much more confident that I am better than you scantily clad women, because at least I am wearing clothes, if not so much a costume.

THE WEATHER

I know many people like "brisk fall air" but have you ever felt what "brisk fall air" feels like at 6am? It feels like fricking Winter air for God's sake. Then I have to get my kids ready and prepared in clothes that can withstand a 20-30 degree temperature shift. Plus @Carmasez lists "scaly skin" as a reason to hate Fall. I am with her. It's NOT pretty.

THE PLETHORA OF FALL FOLIAGE

Yeah, it's pretty... and then it falls. Then Mr. Bee and I spend a WHOLE weekend cleaning up. All weekend, no exaggeration.

You know you want a piece of this sweet Fall action.

FREAKIN' FOOTBALL
For many, the word is enough said. Still, there are parts I like, but that's not what I am talking about today, is it?

First of all tailgating. I hate it. You are telling me I should wake up at 7am, get all bundled up, spend 20 minutes packing up the car, drive 2 miles, unpack the car, set up folding chairs and all the food and drink I prepared the night before so that I can sit/stand around and drink in the frigid cold? Why don't I just crack open a beer on my deck? Oh, that's right, because then I would be known as an ALCOHOLIC who drinks in the morning. Don't forget you must drink a lot to stay warm, and then you have to pee all of the time, and wait in line to use a port 'o potty, and unbundle your ten pairs of pants in the portable john. Did I mention you are then drunk at 10am? Talk about ruining a Saturday!

I can tell you what I am thinking in this pic. I am thinking, "why am I up so early on a Saturday?"

Don't forget about what @Carmasez calls "Football Widowhood". There is never get a break from football in the fall because it's on all of the time, and then Mr. Bee has to go to the game and tailgate and I'm stuck with the kids or I bring them to the tailgate and am miserable the whole time, chasing them around. Then Mr. Bee gets dropped off at home and he's hungover and miserable and he's ruined his Saturday. I can't forget all the time needed for Mr. Bee to work on his Fantasy Football team. Ugh, Fantasy Football. It's fun for the first two weeks, and then I have to feign interest in my team because I am so over it by then, but it makes Mr. Bee happy to compete, so I do it anyway, and then all the guys are pissed when I win the league again (because there is an inverse correlation between how much you care about your team and how well you do in your Fantasy League).

FOOD FEST

Yeah, I know, it tastes good. With Halloween, Thanksgiving and Cider Mill visits, when in the heck am I supposed to diet?

THE ADDITION OF CLOTHES

With Fall comes the end of flip-flops and the beginning of socks, boots, coats mittens, hats... all which have to be put on my children too. Try putting a 4 year old's hands in gloves, it is a lesson in patience and perseverance. Plus, it also means @Carmasez says, having to break out the granny sweaters. (Apparently she has seen my closet.)

Let's look at the really big picture here, why the coming of Fall disturbs me so much: Fall means Summer is over, and for us Michiganians it means we are just a few short weeks until Winterville USA. I might dislike Fall sometimes, but I LOATHE Winter.

*I was told to put her quotes in boldface and large font. I follow the rules you see! Are you following her yet? Go follow @Carmasez and tell her Janna sent ya. (She didn't ask me to say that, either.)

Now it's your your turn. What do you dislike about Fall?