January 20, 2009

Calamity Jake

"Hmm... this is strange," the sonographer says.

"What?" I say in a slightly panicked voice, heart racing. What did she find?

"I've never seen this before," she says says, sounding surprised. Totally NOT the words you want to hear at your ultrasound.
"The baby has his legs up around his head, see? Very unusual. We'll get a picture of it."

"Oh, okay." I relax.
Normal, just a little odd. Little did I know what an omen this ultrasound would be for the baby to come....

My Jacob is a fiery whirlwind of activity and giggles. He is curiosity and strength personified (seriously, he is very freakishly strong) mixed with instability, smiles and wobbliness. When he started to crawl, more safety gates were purchased, more locks, and things were padded, moved and rearranged, things that we had never thought or worried about when Drew was crawling. When he started to walk I knew that no amount of child proofing would be enough with this child. I circle Jacob as he walks, his personal safety net. Every movement he makes brings a mixture of amusement, amazement and terror to me and my husband. There is no off button on Jacob. There is no downtime.

And at school? Well, every day is an incident report.... stemming from another daredevil Jacob move. A bruise here, a cut there, at home or at school. He barely notices and hardly cries (not even for shots). The boy has battle scars and he is not even two yet. The calls I get every day, they don't even phase me anymore. I also don't blame his school? How can I when I can barely keep him safe on a one on one basis?
We have a little fort that he loves that has a climbing wall and a slide (yes it's an outdoor toy that is in our house. Don't judge until you've lived in Michigan.... we need SOMETHING to do around here.) He has no idea how to sit down and push himself off of the slide, so half of the time he ends up going down the slide by accident. Sometimes he does a face plant, sometimes a weird half split down the slide that looks incredibly uncomfortable for a man. Mr. Bee can't help but wince as he watches. Jacob picks himself up, and then he giggles. This is in between the times that he is shaking the fort, making it shimmy from side to side. That fort wasn't made to withstand such a brutal beating. I'm pretty sure he will tear it apart soon enough.

In fact, leave him alone in any room and he has torn it apart after a few seconds. Books get torn from their shelves, drawers emptied of their clothes. Most bad ideas Drew and Jacob come up with are Jacob's idea. He is a tornado, destroying and tearing apart everything he touches. I'm not sure what else I expected from my little tornado baby (Jacob was born hours after a series of tornadoes went through the town right next to us, therefore, really a tornado baby FTW.) This child... he makes me want to tear my hair out from exhaustion, frustration, worry. I don't expect it will get better any time soon. I have a feeling my Jacob will always be pushing buttons, testing his limits, and making me stay up at night filled with worry.

Oddly enough, even with the frayed nerves, I am excited that he is brave. Bravery is definitely a quality I am lacking, and to see my child be so daring, well, while it makes me scared, it also makes me believe he will lead a very interesting life.

For that reason, I can't stay mad. I can't even get frustrated. It's Jacob's world, we just all live in it. I just want to sit back and see what he comes up with next. I think he will always be surprising me, keeping me on my toes. It's a good thing to have a calamity Jake around.

PS He also gets away with a lot because turns me to mush when I hear that giggle. Hell yes he is spoiled. He has me wrapped around his little chubby fingers.


  1. Sounds like you have your hands full!! LOL, enjoy it all!!!

  2. How fun is HE? :) I can't decide what my second is going to be...but he's already made it clear it won't be like his older brother. Where #1 was calm and collected and smiles....#2 is angry, out of control, and crying. LOL But he's pretty funny too...so we'll wait and see. Love the fact that he gets incident reports! Ha!

  3. Aw... Your Jacob reminds me of my youngest brother. He was similarly uncontainable. He once broke his wrist on the playground in first or second grade, and my mom didn't find out until she noticed he couldn't tie his shoelaces. He's a tough one.

  4. calamity jake!! that is hilarious- I have a Jacob of my own, and I just might have to start calling him that. You'll get proper credit of course.
    Thanks for stopping by my Urbanity blog! Private Porking! They still haven't fixed that, it's been up for months!



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