Not Me Monday: Trashy Mom Edition

  

This week was NOT full of me fufilling my white trash aspirations with these actions:

There is NOT a bag of Cheeze-its in our bathroom.

I did NOT yell at Jacob for play humping our puppy.

I did NOT almost yell "Damn straight!" when someone at PetSmart said Louie was the cutest puppy she had every seen.

Cutest puppy? Um, yeah- Damn Straight!

Also, Louie was NOT the most rambunctious puppy in his Puppy training class.

I am soooo NOT dreading the homework for Louie and my five year old Drew this week. (Seriously, homework for a puppy AND my kindgartener? Someone shoot me.)

I have NOT watched over 4 hours of Scooby Doo this weekend; consequently I do NOT have a weird urge to pepper my conversation with "zoinks!", "dangnabit!" and "groovy".

My children were NOT pantsless all Sunday. Nope, they are always properly dressed. I would NEVER be too lazy to dress them and let them get away with undressing themselves and running around.

I did NOT (gasp) watch the season finale of Jersey Shore and then the reunion show that followed it.

I did NOT watch "The Pregnancy Pact" on Lifetime all drunk, and I did NOT kind of enjoy it. I am not the queen of trashy TV lately.

I did NOT swear like a sailor with Tourette's Syndrome all week due to my frustrations (New puppy! Husband working 80 hours! Tough week at work (for me)! Constantly hungry children- seriously about to eat us out of house and home! Crazy two year old! No time to myself for anything- including working out! Too much Scooby Doo!)

Also, I did NOT write a whole blog post about Dwayne Johnson (i.e., The Rock).

What kind of trashy, embarrassing things did you NOT do this week? Let me know in the comments so I can judge commiserate with you!
*This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not Me Monday- 4 days until Christmas Edition

I did NOT spend 15 hours last week baking cookies. Consequently when I was done, I did not take a celebratory nap.

Today is Mr. Bee's Birthday! Yay! I love my husband, and he is totally older than me so I can NOT gloat about him being old. 36! Yikes! (Hahaha) Happy Birthday Mr. Bee, I love you!

I also did NOT hint to Mr. Bee to pick a Birthday meal that I didn't have to cook. (Hey I baked all week.)

This post was NOT thrown together at the last minute, NOT at all!

I am so NOT counting down the days past Christmas when we get our new puppy! (Puppy watch is 12 days and counting- I hope he still has puppy breath then!)

I am NOT totally done this year on all my Christmas tasks. (Sigh of relief.)

I totally do NOT feel guilty about missing all of my workouts.

I totally do NOT regret the 15 cookies (or so, I lost count) I consumed this week and the cookie dough. (Who doesn't love cookie dough? Fascists, that's who.

I did NOT write a whole post about Christmas Cookies. I am NOT cookie obsessed at all.

What are your Not Me's this week?

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not Me Monday: Birthdays and Bitching Edition

I did NOT totally break my diet all Holiday Weekend, and use the weekend as a gimme. I also did NOT drink lots of wine and beer... I did NOT secretly count up the calories in my head as drank, and try to burn that many calories off at the gym this week, I am so NOT becoming an obsessed gym rat!

I did NOT laugh hysterically when I lit a scented candle in my house and Jacob, my two year old, ran in the room and cried out "It's my birthday!"and pointed to the candle. I did NOT chuckle about this all weekend.

I did NOT go out on Black Friday and shop. I am NEVER concerned with saving money. I will also take this time to say how thankful I am to be done working retail. I do NOT miss it, and that is the truth! While shopping on the busiest shopping day of the year, I did NOT buy the cutest sweater for my four year old son that I fell in love with because it had Moose on it. I also did NOT want to pluralize Moose in that last sentence and am not fighting the urge to write "Meese".

I did NOT throw a fit about my husband not being in the Holiday spirit, only to freak out later that night when a gift I was supposed to wrap went missing. I so do NOT hate wrapping presents so much. (Why was I wrapping so early? Well, I did NOT run out of hiding places in my ridiculously cluttered house.)

Also, I am NOT in the Christmas spirit. I did NOT download a bunch of Christmas songs onto my Ipod on Saturday and listen to them on repeat. My favorite is not Mele Kalikimaka because of the movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

I am so NOT looking forward to the weekend again. I was NOT dreading going back to work after a four-day weekend, nope, NOT at all!

So those are my NOT me's after the long and food filled Holiday Weekend, what are some of yours? Also, what is your favorite Thanksgiving dish? Mine is my Mom's Stuffing, er, Dressing (It's dressing if she doesn't put it in the bird, right?) She makes it with sausage and it's delicious.

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not Me Monday: El Sicko Edition

I solemnly swear I did NOT do these things last Week:

I did NOT gloat at all when I kicked butt at scrabble this weekend: I beat the runner up by 50 points! (This is NOT the product getting all the big letters- and of many hours of playing scrabulous on Facebook- no, NOT at all!)

I did NOT whine about a face rash the end part of the week and all weekend that no one could see but could feel. It started to get better, than I had an outbreak before work this morning; this did NOT make me think I might be allergic to work.

I did NOT stay up too late on Saturday night watching the movie, Adventureland. I did NOT stay up too late all freaked out after watching the movie, Knowing, on Sunday. Consequently I am NOT ridiculously tired to start my workweek.

I did NOT debate with Mr. Bee during Adventureland about who was cooler, Dane Cook or Ryan Reynolds. (FTW- Ryan Reynolds- he married Scarlett Johansen, while Dean Cook was in Employee of the Month with Jessica Simpson. No contest!) This was NOT the dumbest debate ever.

I was totally NOT annoyed by Mr. Bee's sickness this week. I did NOT bitch about how annoying Mr. Bee is when he is sick.

I did NOT get a lecture from my son Drew for leaving my library book out when we were cleaning.

My son Jacob was NOT so ridiculously adorable with his catch phrases this weekend. My favorites were "I'm a bouy!" and "I'm nak3d!" which he says in a surprised fashion while pointing to his chest.

We did NOT let Jacob open a gift for his birthday two weeks early, consequently I was not ridiculously pleased at how much he love his stuffed animal- named appropriately "Puppy Dog". Poor Jacob is the "hand me down" kid- he was so happy to have something that was actually his and his alone.

I did NOT forget to take any pictures this week, leaving me to take this picture of Drew with my Cell phone, because I was totally NOT too lazy to upload pictures from my camera.

I did NOT have to say- "open your eyes, Drew, open your eyes" to get this picture.

I also did NOT promise Tina I would post about her Fundraiser/Giveaways for this month to bring awareness to Breast Cancer. It is NOT a great idea, so please do NOT go check it out!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My fahrty, bug-tattooed, spaghetti-sauce-body-paintin' boys: A Not My Child Monday Edition

** Hey, can you go vote for my boys in the Cutest Baby/Kids/Pet contest? Go visit Baby Makin(g) Machine and vote for them in the left hand column- Jacob is #16 under cutest baby, and Drew is #8 under cutest kid. It's easy to do-just go vote please! Also, please check out the March of Dimes raffle she is hosting- there are a LOT of great prizes- The button is on the left side of my blog.**

The Bees decided to brave a new frontier this weekend-going to see a movie in prime time. (Small aside- um never again- they wanted to make us pay $26.50 for the four of us! I looked at the clerk and said to her- "My son is under 2- do we really need to pay 6.50 for him to see the movie?" The answer was no- fortunately, and he got in free.) We went to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (side note- adorable, definitely a must see for families with young children). I was impressed with my children's behavior, especially Jacob, who, as a 23 month old, sat still the whole movie, giggling and clapping, even saying "oh no!" in his adorable voice. We were very proud of him, and he totally did NOT say "I fahrted, Daddy", in his cute little voice during a quiet scene. My older son, Drew did NOT actually fart really loud, the sound accentuated by the hard plastic of the booster chair.

After the movie, Drew did NOT beg to put a temporary tattoo on his arm of a bug until we finally gave in. (Because we NEVER give in on things just to quiet our children down, nope, NOT us.)

I hope this child looks at his first born as lovingly as he did this tattoo.

Jacob did NOT run away and cry in fear of the big bug on Drew's arm. Of course the Mommarazzi was there to take the picture of him running.
Then, the next day I cooked a big spaghetti dinner for Sunday night- Jacob did NOT use the spaghetti sauce for body paint, nope, not at all!

For these reasons, I was NOT excited for bath night tonight. No, I really mean that, although I guess you could say I was excited for the outcome of the bath night. Mr. Bee gave them a bath, which was NOT a total relief. I so did NOT give Mr. Bee a big smooch when I saw that he had managed to rub that bug tattoo off. Score +10 points for Mr. Bee!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama.Go head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not Me Monday! Woodchucks, Vampires, Tantrums, Golf, Etc. Edition!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
I was totally NOT behind in my blog reading this week, and did not realize it's "Not my child Monday!" Oops... well enjoy anyway!

Mr. Calamity was not a miserable, crying wreck all week due to a little cold. He was NOT so annoying that I could hardly stand his presence. I did NOT take a picture of one of his tantrums because I thought it was funny.

This week we also caught another woodchuck and raccoon and delivered them to the nature sanctuary in one piece. This brings our total catch and release up to 4 raccoons, 3 possums, and 11 woodchucks, including a Mom and 8 babies. Even though my husband wants to get rid of them in an inhumane way at this point, I have talked him down from this... however.... I did NOT tell him to go out and just kill the %*#&$!! squirrels that were fighting in our yard at 4am on Thursday.

The children totally impressed me when they slept until 8:30 and 9am this weekend. I was very happy about getting to sleep in, and I did NOT get greedy and consequently want more sleep. (On a side note, my husband let me sleep in until 11:30am on Sunday. I am sure him letting me do this had NOTHING to do with deserting me for a Golf Weekend next week.)

This week we also finished Season One of True Blood. I am trying to avoid spoilers for the second season and I am totally NOT jealous of you HBO subscribers who are watching it now. (You spoiled brats with your fancy "premium" cable... okay I am done, and um... half kidding...)

What are some of your "Not Me!"'s this week?

Not Me! Monday! Vacation Edition!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


We were on Vacation this weekend, which of course with the two little Bees and their two cousins who are 4 and under. This means that our vacation was anything but relaxing! However I can give you a rundown of things we did NOT do on Vacation, you know the things we would NEVER do- because we are such model parents, hahaha!

We did NOT make Jacob go on three boat rides, even though he was scared, just because he cuddled so close during the scary pontoon boat rides.

We did NOT take the kids out on a sunny day without sunglasses. That would be silly with their light blue eyes.

I did NOT get incredibly nervous when my daredevil child went on the Jetski for the 3rd year in a row!
We did NOT feed our kids junk like hot dogs and Popsicles all weekend because they liked it! Consequently they were NOT crazy all weekend!
Drew was NOT up until 11pm the night this was taken. We would NEVER let our son stay up THAT late to watch fireworks!
Drew did NOT catch a fish. Oh wait, that is true. Drew did NOT NOT catch a fish.
We did NOT almost run into shore a few times with Captain Drew and his wandering eyes.
This little guy is NOT the cutest "baby in the family" ever.

The cousins did NOT enjoy their time together at all!

Our family is NOT blessed, to get to spend this time together no NOT at all! I love my extended Bee clan.

I hope you all had a Great 4th of July with many Not Me!'s!

Not Me! Monday! Drew-ism Edition

Ahh.... 4 year olds. They do NOT say the funniest things sometimes. Drew was NOT particularly funny this week either. Here are some things Drew did NOT say this week:

My name is Drew. I am four and I was made in heaven. (Okay, uh, not exactly Drew!)

I know, I am always a good boy. (His response after I told Drew good night and said he was a good boy that day.)


Daddy and I are going to take that land and turn it into a garbage dump. (Pointing to land on a corner of a busy intersection. I am sure everyone would like that.)

We are saving our money and other people aren't making money. (When asked how we would purchase said land. Unfortunately with a 12+% unemployment rate, that statement maybe closer to the reality than we think.)

I am four and I am almost an adult. I can do what I want. (Sigh. Our little teenager in training! Maybe we should stop talking amongst ourselves about how he is getting so old.)

I was so young then. I wish I could be that young again, {sigh}. (While looking at a picture of himself as a baby.)

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. Go head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not Me! Monday!

Woot, more Not Me! Monday!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

What a crazy week it was, from job stresses, to workout challenges, to mini-vay-cays. Here is what we did NOT do this week:

We went to Cedar Point this weekend. We were NOT totally grossed out by the millions of little bugs that attacked us, flying into our nose, mouth and on our shirts.

I did NOT wear a billowy shirt that proceeded to fly up in the air, threatening to expose my nude colored bra. I did NOT have to hold my shirt down the entire time on certain rides (hello Millenium Force!).

The park was NOT so blessedly empty that the longest wait we had was a half an hour. (!!)

We are NOT getting too old for some of the rides that are a little spinny (cough ahem, RAPTOR).

Overall, besides the bugs and the billowy shirt, we had a blast. The funniest thing is that we did NOT spend most of the time scoping out rides for the kids. (Verdict- dude! A million things for the little ones to do! We are hopefully taking Drew and maybe Jacob this year.)

We did NOT forget to look at see what parking quadrant we were in and wander the parking lot for a half and hour. I did NOT go from giggling and calling myself a dummy to eventually coming close to breaking out into tears in my tired state looking for our car.

We did NOT totally sneak into Castaway Bay to see the indoor water park and compare to lovely Great Wolf Lodge. (Verdict? I think Castaway Bay looks like more fun- shocker!)

We did NOT drink lots of beers at the nicest TGIFridays I have ever been to. We would've stayed there all night, however we were so NOT exhausted, so we went back to our hotel.

At our hotel, we watched The Pursuit of Happyness, and Mr. Bee did NOT cry at the end, no NOT at all (wink, wink).

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After driving 3 hours home, we got to pile the kids in the car and drive an hour to my nephew's fourth birthday. We were so NOT sick of driving at this point. Mr. Bee did NOT complain a million times about it, to which I told him "Suck it up!"

The kids had a blast. Here are some of the highlights.

Our children do NOT eat junk, no never at all!

This can NOT be the same child that was scared of dogs two weeks ago, right?

Max the dog was NOT very patient with Jacob, who now loves him some doggies!

It did NOT take two hours to get Drew into the bounce house, wherein he discovered....

He totally loved it!

Jacob the wild man did NOT run at full speed the entire party.

The kids did NOT love me screaming "Boo!" through the windows of the play house.

The Bubble machine was NOT also a hit as well!

I did NOT send my kids to school today completely dirty because we stayed too late last night for baths! It was NOT totally and completely worth it to see the smiles on their faces!
Totally NOT a great end to the weekend. Happy Birthday Nate-Nate!

What were some of your Not Me's! this week?

Not Me! Monday! Vacations, Anniversaries, and Mr. Calamity

Woot, more Not Me! Monday!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

We are finally back from our trip to Great Wolf Lodge in Ohio (in case you didn't know, GWL is an indoor water park hotel. It's great for those with little kids). I am labeling it a trip because to call it a Vacation would imply it was relaxing. I was so NOT stressed the entire trip due to my three grumpy men. (Mr. Bee was very tense, although maybe not grumpy, but there sure was an air of lightheartedness missing, you know?)

This particular little man was NOT a holy terror, choosing to take only one nap the entire three days, dipping two of his three blankies in the toilet and splashing it around, knocking over everything in sight and crying about everything in sight. Once home, this little boy did NOT make a total 180 personality wise, becoming his sweet self again, and napping for 3 1/2 hours Saturday AND Sunday!

This little man had fun... I think, although not as much fun as the first time we went. He was less brave this time around, NOT due to the fact that he swallowed some water on a slide when I failed to catch him immediately. I did NOT feel horrible the rest of the trip, and beg him to go on another slide to no avail.

Brave Drew, before I traumatized him!

Jacob was NOT totally afraid of the water when we arrived! Slowly he warmed up...
And then he became a downright daredevil.

My little baby going down this big slide did NOT freak me out one bit!
This is the closest we got to a family picture. At least Mr. Bee is facing the camera.

Jacob did NOT try to scam and get out of the play area with the shopping cart. He was so NOT in love with that cart.

Creepy animatronic animals....

The kids did NOT make us watch their performance three times, therefore Mr. Bee was NOT totally sick of them at this point!

Okay so we did NOT go all the way to Ohio to a water slide park and discover Jacob's favorite water activity was splashing the water puddles, right? RIGHT?!?

All in all, the park was very nice, the room was clean, and the staff was child friendly. I would say if you go, to go during the week, as it is dead around that time and a lot cheaper. I would totally NOT recommend you take your family to Great Wolf Lodge. (GWL are you listening now? Can I get a better deal for pimping you?)

Today is Mine and Mr. Bee's 7th Wedding Anniversary. I have been dating/engaged/married to Mr. Bee for 10 years, which is a third of my life. That is so NOT strange when I think about it! We went out for our anniversary to a nice dinner, and then went and watched the Red Wings win the first game of the finals. We finished off the night with chicken wings at BW3. Our date was so simple, and consequently was NOT wonderful! :) I also did NOT tell Mr. Bee in drunken state that I wanted buffalo wings served at my funeral, because I am NOT that weird! (Dude, Buffalo Wild Wings- totally pimping you as well! I love coupons... just saying. I am totally NOT kidding!)

On a more serious note, it's NOT been a great seven years and I am NOT looking forward to seven more great years. Love you, Mr. Bee.

Here we are... so NOT cute and young and well rested... we have no idea the terror that our young children will put us through.