January 19, 2010

An Open letter to the Rock, Er Dwayne Johnson,

Dear "The Rock"- er- Dwayne,

Over the years I have taken a lot of heat from my friends over having a crush on you. You were the best part of  WWF (it was called that back then, none of this WWE nonsense) which I was forced to watch in the early courtship days with Mr. B (read: wanted to show him how non-girly I was by watching WWF).  You and a bottle of  Popov (at 20 years old, I drank classy shit) were the only way I made it through Smackdown. Then you went on to be in some so-so action movies, a few comedies, and then you were in The Rundown.

You kicked ass in that. I was so moved that I even put you on my freebie list, and got heckled by friends once more. I didn't care though, because you were a badass, and you were hot.

Then you went all Disney on me.

Losing all that weight and calling yourself Dwayne? I mean, I know that is your actual name, but "The Rock" is so much cooler. Your allure is in your bad ass self.

Your latest movie, The Tooth Fairy, is the clincher- you are off of my freebie list. Honestly, after seeing these pictures, do you think you can remain on my freebie list?

Yes, I know that James McAvoy played a Faun in  The Chronicles of Narnia, and he is STILL on my freebie list.

Yes, I know.

But he has something you don't have:

an accent.

Seriously Dwayne, go eat a cheeseburger and star in the next ludicruous action movie. Step away from the Disney.


PS You have been replaced...


What can I say? I likes the Vampires.


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