I started to write this last Friday and was going to post it on Saturday, then the Giveaway got so crazy that I wanted to leave it up, so I postponed this post. Without further adieu here is the story: I have been meaning to start a diet for a while now, and I am one of those people who can't just eat sensibly, I need to see results immediately. (Okay, I know, who doesn't want that?) So, taking a cue from My Medical Weight Loss Diet that I followed 10 years ago, I decided to do a "cleanse" before dieting. Basically a "cleanse" means you can have no pop, coffee, or milk, just water. (This means no caffeine- gasp!) You can have eggs but no salt and/or half an orange for breakfast, and then only red meat (again, no salt allowed) and green vegetables only with Medical Weight Loss approved Salad Dressing or Apple Cider vinegar as a topping. This goes on for three days. Last time I did this I think I dropped 6 lbs. I was so successful last time, however I thought if I wrote about it, I might be more likely to stick with it. Thus I decided I would "live blog" my cleansing process. Here is my attempt at a cleansing diet:
7am: Make eggs, with no salt in caphalon pan. Pieces of my stupid POS pan end up cooking into the eggs. I end up feeding the egg pieces without chips to Mr. Calamity, who is screaming "Mo" at me and frantically reaching for the horrible things. Eat three pieces of egg, only one without chips. Pretty sure I will now develop cancer or brain damage or something from inadvertently eating metal. Throw away pan. Drink half glass of water.
8:30am: Empty Diet Coke cans on my desk at work are taunting me. Drink another glass of water.
9am: Read weight loss blogs and look at "before" and "after" pictures. Think to myself: that could be me!
9:30am: Read food blogs. Think to myself: that could be what I could eat!
10am: Co-worker comes in with a dark chocolate-covered coconut candy egg. I love dark chocolate and coconut. I resist her offer, then have a change of heart. I take it the dark chocolate covered goodness and put it in my drawer, just in case. Drink another glass of water.
10:45am: Eating lunch at 11am is acceptable right?
11am: Getting headache. This is what I recognize as caffeine withdrawal. Go to the bathroom (hey I have had 3 glasses of water so far, I can't believe I've made it THIS long).
11:11am: 11:11, Ooh make a wish! I wish for more than 2 pairs of jeans to fit me.
11:15am: Not really hungry, but my mind is. I tell my mind to shut up for a little longer.
11:15am-11:40am: Working.
11:40 am: So bored. Want to eat. I am definitely a person who eats out of boredom.
11:50 am: Do not feel great. Thinking in monosyllabic words. Oh wait no, monosyllabic is more than one syllable. So is syllable. Okay, I think I need to eat NOW. Brain is not functioning.
12:20pm: Food was gross and smelly. Don't want to talk about it. Don't want to remember it. Didn't even finish.
12:55pm: It might be the lack of caffeine talking, but I want to give up! My head hurts. I don't want to do this all weekend! Whine Whine Whine!
1:25 pm: Whose stupid idea was this anyway? Oh wait, it was mine. I'm really contemplating that coconut cream egg.
2:00 pm: The act of taking Aleve has soothed me for now...
2:15 pm: Have given up. I hurridly eat a yogurt. Hey I didn't break the cleanse that badly!
2:30 pm: Now I am eating the coconut cream egg. I might have totally ruined my diet, but I am feeling better.
2:45 pm: Feeling much better now, thankyouverymuch. Headache is gone. Must not have been caffeine-withdrawal induced as I had thought.
4:15 pm: Grrreat. Spilled Apple Cider Vinegar in the passenger seat of Bessie, my car. Now poor Bessie smells like old urine. Magnificent.
Conclusion?
~I should ease myself into dieting.
~Crash dieting is bad, Mmmkay?
~Just because it says "Medical" in front of it does not mean that it necessarily Doctor approved.
~I must never cut out caffeine ever again.
~I would NOT last long on Survivor.
~It's not much of a live-blogging post if you only make it 5 hours of the scheduled 3 days.
~Apple Cider Vinegar is one nasty beeyotch.
So I am going to try and do a much more balanced diet starting on Wednesday. One that includes Caffeine, and does NOT include Apple Cider Vinegar- gag!
Yeah, you there Apple Cider Vinegar- you aren't anything like Apple Cider! Apple cider is yummy and sweet, and you just smell like old pee. EW.
i'm trying to diet right now and i'm getting very frustrated. i don't have a lot to lose (5-10 lbs) and i'm not seeing results as quickly as I would like.
ReplyDeletegood luck - maybe just counting calories (but eating whatever you want up to a certain caloric point) would work better for you?
I just ate pringles for breakfast. Does that make you feel better?
ReplyDeleteok, i gained 120 pounds during my pregnancy and when i decided to finally start losing it, i still weighed the same. i always blamed it on my kid, but then i sat at his birthday this year and sang happy birthday to a SEVEN year old. can't be his fault anymore, right? so trust me girl, i am right there with you! i have been trying since january, but not as a new years resolution. the best way? for me anyway, portion control, exercise and one new rule every two weeks. such as first week coffee with sweet and low instead of sugar. next? coffee with sweet and low and no creamer. next? more water. etc.
ReplyDeletelet me know if you come across tips, other wise? good freakin luck, trying to lose weight sucks, but.....the up side? if you stick with a plan that fits YOU, it works:) we'll keep eachother motivated. and now this comment is way too long!
Boy, it can be really hard to break away from sugar and caffeine, can't it? When I'm in that mode, it's like my body is addicted to the stuff and can't even remember what it's like to function without them.
ReplyDeleteI have used drinking water to help break the cycle with caffeine. Often I realize that I am dehydrated from all the non-food ingredients, so the water helps clear things out.
I've also used green vegetables on days when I am helplessly craving sugar. I can eat some vegetables (like cooked broccoli and yellow squash, maybe carrots), and my body says, oh yeah, good stuff! It's like rebooting the system.
More live blogging! Don't give up just yet! Every little bit helps. :D Maybe I need to blog my diet too - I'll have this spare 15-20 lbs lingering for a while, I suspect.
I'm not much help, since I have very little control when it comes to things that are tasty and sweet and chocolatey :-)I'm pretty much a carb-addict. Bad, Bad.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and banish the evil Apple Cider Vinegar for now!
carma
O.K. too weird, what are the chances that two blogs I follow regularly would be about dieting on the same day?
ReplyDeleteGo over to SometimesLucid, I know you left a comment but check out my looooong comment and advice for you young ladies!
Good luck on your diet, I hope you get to the weight you desire but don't give up your chocolate coconut covered eggs to do it, life is too short to give up such pleasures!!!!
Can't help you with any dieting advice as I am a total wuss when it comes to food. If it tastes good, I am going to eat it. No matter what.
ReplyDeleteMy car's name is Bessie too.
Thank goodness you came to your senses and realized that cutting out caffeine would be the end of your very existence. I was gearing up to rally the blogging community to stage an intervention on your behalf.
ReplyDeleteDon't scare me like that again, Janna Bee.
-Wenda
After I get used to living without cigarettes, I will go back to healthy eating - I REFUSE to use the "D" word. Until then, chocolates are on me!! =)
ReplyDeleteI have such a serious (bad) diet Coke addiction I think I've decided to give it up for Lent. But no caffeine? Seriously?! I'm just. NOT. THAT. STRONG. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI drink about as much water, though. I love that you made a wish at 11:11!
I tried this god awful lemonade cleanse about a year ago. My timeline was about the same as yours, and then I ate everything in the fridge in protest of the yucky lemonade.
ReplyDeleteI am on a see food diet. I see it, I eat it! I love the dark chocolate coconut eggs! Chocolate has caffiene in it so that probably did help with the headache!
ReplyDeleteLast year around this time, I started a diet that was basically portion control and only eating when physically hungry...i mean an angry growly tummy. Then, only eating a mug-full of food. I was trying to lose baby weight, and managed to lose about 5 lbs the first week, and a few lbs each subsequent week. It was difficult at times, but i did it. Here I am after next baby doing it all over again. It works because you dont have to stay away from foods, just dont eat too much. Anyway, enough rambling...good luck with the diet!
ReplyDeleteCammie, that's hysterical.
ReplyDeleteOh no, you are reminding me that I have to start a diet. Do a diet that includes eating tons and tons of high-water vegetables like carrots and celery. Use a tiny bit of lemon juice mixed with olive oil and pepper for dip if you need it. I know olive oil is high fat, but it's good fat. That should tide you over until lunch.
lindsay || newyorkwords.net
Okay, I can't read all that you're doing...once I saw diet and that you'd post the good stuff you'd be doing or eating..I stopped reading. LOL I can't bear to see how good you're going to try and be and know I love pizza, crap, coke, crap, muffins, crap, etc etc etc. LOL Good luck to you - I'm not there yet! (I just prefer to run)
ReplyDeleteI left you some clicky love <3 :)
ReplyDeleteBoy, do I ever know that caffeine withdrawal! It's brutal!
ReplyDeleteMy new bff (cuz she is my trainer without charging me!) MJ just put me on 1600 calories a day for all of lent.. eeeeeekkkkk. The whole concept (she says) is giving up for lent has to be hard. Okay okay I get it you don't need to have to do that whole cross thingy!
ReplyDeleteHey I clicked by yesterday and for some reason couldn't comment.. argh! BUT I did click and I'm clicking today!
Why do I have the feeling that you really dont NEED to lose weight, you already look fabulous???
ReplyDeleteJust a thought.
Many blessings to you and yours-
Amanda
(here from BSU) I started my diet last week, making small and gradual changes so they will be lifestyle changes. I am blogging my diet at www.gettingfitwithfriends.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteGood luck in your weight loss journey!
You lasted way longer than I ever would have. Hey! It's 11:11. I wish I had any jeans that fit. ;)
ReplyDeleteOk..this was totally hilarious and pretty much what would have happened to me had I attempted such a stunt...though maybe cut off about 3 hours. But though I love dark chocolate, coconut would have given me pause. Ick.
ReplyDeleteAnd can I borrow your little Blogger follower update wording for my own blog? It was really well-written and I am lazy. I will credit you -- I promise!
Hahaha, you're not the only one!! This was fun to read, and I think only because I've done that same horrific thing and felt so terrible that I end up eating whatever I can!! Good luck next time easing into it!
ReplyDelete:)
~Tabitha~
freshmommyblog.com
i'm on the high-carb fatkins diet. the results are exactly as i expect. that's the only kind of diet i could pull off. ;)
ReplyDeletei could, however, recommend a great cleanse. i frequently detox and it's the best one i've found. it's called isagenix and it's a 9 day program. you can look it up or ask me if you have questions!
Love this! So great :)
ReplyDeleteDieting is bad, period. I try to just list the things that I actually like AND are actually good for me and stock up on those. In theory it should cut down on temptation, but there will always be a dark chocolate coconut egg lurking!
ReplyDeleteFound you via Intrepid Tuesday - congrats!