A Morning in the Life

5:02 am- I am awakened by what sounds like a cat's meow. My senses come back to me and I realize it's Baby. I ask Husband to get Baby a bottle, I hear snores as a reply. Stumbling, I grab Baby, bring him back to the room with a pacifier and cuddle him hoping he falls asleep, which he does, at about the same time I do.

6:15 am- Otis Redding starts blaring from My I-pod alarm. I reach around without looking or disturbing Baby and hit snooze.

6:26 am- Otis Redding- Oh I like this, but soooo tired. I hit snooze again.

6:37 am- I have to reach the snooze before- oh wait, he's up, and he's pissed/hungry. This time I hit Husband. "You HAVE to give Baby a bottle, I am going to take a shower." Hand off Baby and I run away.

6:42 am- I am enjoying a nice hot shower when I see an earwig on the shower curtain, and he looks monstrous without my glasses! I scream. I get out of the shower to bitch about to Husband and wake up Older Son in the process. I try to kill it but it's so big and wiggly, I keep missing in my tired, fuzzy vision self. I scoop him up and throw him in the toilet, but must wait for Son, who wants to see the earwig floating in the toilet. Thoughts of earwig babies coming up through the toilet and biting my butt in the near future ensue.

6:56 am- I manage to get Son and Myself ready while in the hallway to hide from Baby who is almost jumping out of Husband's arms to see me, ignoring his bottle and Husband in the process.
7:08 am- While getting bottles ready for day I hear a bawling Son. I quickly finish and go in to see Son laying on the floor crying. "Daddy won't let me eat my cereal bar on the bed". I diffuse the situation using my stellar parenting skills by telling him that the ants will get us if we eat on the bed, but he can eat at the table. Son considers this, looks a little scared, but then decides that this makes sense. I grab Baby from Husband to get him ready.

7:10 am- Baby squirms as I work to change him. I hold him in place, which makes him start crying, and soon crying means no squirming. Success! I am a Mean Mommy.

7:20 am- All finished. Load kids in car.

7:26 am- Yes it takes that long to load them in the car. Forget pacifier. Lock kids in car (don't want someone to steal them). Go inside to look for Pacifier.

7:30 am- Still looking even though we have 17 of them, none are to be found. Find one in bed, which Husband is just getting out of.

7:32 am- We are finally off to childcare, and while the kids look adorable I have not brushed my hair yet. There is always the drive, of course! Off to my 12 hour workday!