Number 100

I can't believe I am on my 100th blog post. It seems like I have not possibly written this much, and yet, somehow I have. I am still surprised myself that I have a blog, I am so critical of myself, and vacillate between "I could write if I tried" and "I suck at writing". So while it makes me scared and second guess myself to have a blog, I am also secretly thrilled by it, even though I do not have a following besides family and friends... and one very nice, much more articulate blogger.

So I am trying to think of a way to celebrate myself? How arrogant, you are probably thinking. No, I am celebrating the fact that I have stuck with this, even when I wanted to stop, when I felt attacked, when life definitely got into the way of me expressing myself. Because this is me, it really is... like it or not.

So I hope one day I write a 200th blog post, if nothing else, for me. Because I find this blogging thing strangely therapeutic. Even the blogs I write that I never publish. This is one I (again) didn't carry over from my last blog...

Help me out, everyone, I was trying to figure out why I am such a negative Nelly. I mean, I am a happy enough person, and I am really ecstatic to be pregnant again. In fact, sometimes (also probably due to my raging hormones right now) I think there is so much joy to be had in my life that it brings tears to my eyes. (Again, pregnancy does weird things to your mind). Right now I can't wait for the weekend and all the fun it brings. So why am I so darn grumpy? Here are some of my thoughts:

Airing it aloud in either written or spoken form, makes it disappear for me. (This is a concept my husband would totally disagree with.)

I need a vacation. There's gotta be a break to this monotony.

I am way too hard on myself, everything must be perfect or it is shit.

Life is completely unfair, especially for me. (This is my mantra when I am acting crazy.)

Maybe I'm just not a sunshine and lollipops kind of girl. I can't change who I am, however I can (and am) altering it for my son. The amount of patience and positivity that you need with a two year old means that everyone else doesn't get positive Patty but little old Nelly who sometimes sits in the corner, arms crossed and believes that nothing good ever happens. I'm sorry about that, but sometimes she is pretty funny, right?

Here's to hoping you still like little old Nelly.