My Interview with Boodle, My Elf on the Shelf

So I thought you might be sick of hearing about the four of us, I thought you might want to hear about our temporary fifth member of the household, Boodle, our Elf on the Shelf. To learn more about Boodle, click here. Warning: there are major puns and bad jokes located within this text. Proceed with caution.

Me: Okay Boodle, thanks for chatting with us. I know you aren't supposed to speak to the families you stay with. Are you going to get into trouble?

Boodle: No, it's just the kids I'm not supposed to talk to. You adults just ignore me, so I ignore you.

Me: Sorry.

Boodle: Whatever. Not a big deal. *sniffs*

Me: So tell me something a little bit about yourself.

Boodle: My real name is Gavin and my job is very demanding during the Christmas Season. During the off season, however, I write novels, under a pseudonym of course.

Me: Really? Anything I have read?

Boodle: Have you heard of Harry Potter?

Me: Yeah!

Boodle: Well, I didn't write THAT but I wish I had. Man I would be RICH! I also went to Lollapalooza. Yeah, you are lucky I didn't tell Santa about what I saw you doing at Lollapalooza. Drink beer much?

Me: Yeah, I think we should, um...move on. So how long have you been a Christmas Elf?

Boodle: Well, you are my third family, so about 20 years.

Me: Oh, wow- how old are you?

Boodle: 65.

Me: You look so young!

Boodle: Yeah I get that a lot. Felt and plastic doesn't really age. Plus candy cane diets are very good for you, believe it or not, and I get a lot of exercise running from Homes to the North Pole.

Me: I bet that's difficult.

Boodle: Well thanks for covering for me the other day when I forgot to go by saying that you forgot to move me. I totally fell asleep.

Me: Um... no problem? So, since you "observe" our family all day, is there anything you can share with the readers about our family?

Boodle: Of course at an interview about me, you ask about yourself. You bloggers are a vain bunch.

Me: I'm not vain! A little self absorbed, maybe.

Boodle: Riiiight. Okay, so something about your family? You guys wear pajamas a LOT. And Mom, you swear under your breath often.

Me: Thanks for that.

Boodle: Well, Santa knows already, he's known for years... you were swearing back when you were 8, you know. Picked it up from your Dad, he's a champion swearer.

Me: Hey, don't say bad things about my Dad!

Boodle: I like your Dad! What's wrong with swearing? Elves swear all of the time, part of the reason that we don't talk to the children. I'm really cleaning it up for the interview, you know.

Me: Well thank you, the readers appreciate that.

Boodle: You mean all 11 of them?

Me: Hey, aren't you supposed to be a nice Elf?

Boodle: Who told you that?

Me: I just assumed.

Boodle: Well, assuming makes an ass out of you and me.

Me: You said you wouldn't swear.

Boodle: Sorry!

Me: What is Santa like?

Boodle: He is everything you've ever imagined. Jolly, generous, has trouble staying away from sweets. Kind of reminds me of Oprah. I don't see him every time I go to the North Pole. I see his Personelf Assistant. Santa is a busy guy. I will see him when he comes down your chimney on Christmas Eve. Speaking of that, you might want to move the toys that are in front of you chimney. Do your kids really even need toys?

Me: Okay, I think we need to wrap this up, it is going downhill quickly. One last question- who would you rather be stranded on a deserted Island with, Tinker Bell or the tooth fairy?

Boodle: What kind of BS question is that? Tinker Bell was made up by an JM Barrie. The tooth fairy, however is very REAL. On that note.... Tinker Bell.

Me: Really?

Boodle: Yeah, the Tooth Fairy is a little long in the tooth. *Snickers*

Me: Oh hardy har har.