The Little Boy Bias

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails

That's what little boys are made of!

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and all things nice

That's what little girls are made of!

I was never meant to have a son. Well let me rephrase that, I shouldn't say I was never meant to have a son, of course I was meant to have a son, God and science (and the fact that I eat a crapload of cereal) determined this for me. I just never expected to have a son. I have no idea what to do with little boys. Everywhere in my life girls have been the dominant gender-in my family, in my classes, and even (actually especially) in my work. I have lived a very girl-centric life. Not only that but I have always been a girly- girl. I mean sure, I fish, play cards and drink beer, I hate wearing jewelery and I love men's college basketball, but overall I like things more equated with the fairer sex, like chick lit, manicures, being CLEAN, frilly dresses, makeup, and looking at jewelery (I just hate wearing it- there is no rhyme or reason to being me!). I know nothing about little boys. I babysat one little boy when I was a teenager (yes, just one, I wasn't into little kids and I still feel uncomfortable around any but my own and a few others), and he was a little shit, just horrible. He was mean and pushy and violent and well, just a yucky little boy. I did not like him at all. He reminded me of all the teasing I received at the hands of the little boys I grew up with, and as a chubby little girl with buck teeth and a perm, I received teasing aplenty (thank you Mom and Dad for the braces)!

However, when I was pregnant the first time and I thought about having a little boy, I was very excited. I imagined a little cherub-like boy with chubby cheeks as red as apples and fat thighs on a roly poly baby. I did not imagine that he would grow up one day to be a real boy running around, splashing in puddles and collecting live worms in his pockets (yes that DID happen). I did not imagine birthing a boy who yells and runs and karate chops things with his legs. I would never have conceived in my mind being the mother to a boy whose favorite DVD is Truck Tunes and who collects tools the way I used to collect Barbies. I didn't expect it because it is not what I am used to, was out of my range of familiarity. I knew that having a boy would be different from what I was used to, but I didn't know exactly WHAT to expect, and that worried me.

For a while, though, I had nothing to be concerned about. Drew has been little, smaller than many of his classmates, not very athletic or rambunctious and still seemed, thankfully, like a baby boy (the worm incident withstanding), until this weekend that is. This weekend Drew went to a birthday party for an older friend. That is when I saw my four year old son Drew become my future no-longer-a-cherub-like-roly-poly-baby but-rough-and tumble-big-boy Drew with his friends, yelling and jumping, wearing Batman masks, crawling on the disgusting bowling alley floor (and yes I made him get up) and it hit me. He is a capital B-O-Y boy, and BOY am I in over my head. I look at Drew and I don't know what to do with him. I can't relate to a boy the same way I would to a girl and it scares me. I just worry that he will turn into that little boy I babysat or that bully that terrorized my fifth grade self.

And yet, he's not just any little rugrat, he's my Drew. That boy exudes kindness and gentleness along with his rambunctiousness. No one ever told me that little boys could be so loving and sweet as well as dirty and crazy. Until now I never thought to consider that maybe boys are different from girls in a positive way, a way that challenges who I am, and who I thought I would be. I mean, granted, I am probably never going to get to play "princess" with Drew (or maybe I will, I am okay with that!) but I realize now that is not a bad thing. The truth is I am blessed with my two boys. Now I can finally get the dirt under my nails and learn to let go, and to go against my grain.

PS- I know that most of what I am saying is reaffirming gender stereotypes, I realize that there are many girls and boys that go against those stereotypes, however I am speaking from the experiences that I have had. Yes I am calling everyone girls and boys because when we become adults we are men and women and adults definitely blur those gender defined roles. Wow, I think I am officially talking out of my ass now!
Photo Credit: Space.boy