July 21, 2009

This post talks entirely too much about puke (Why I am not going to BlogHer 09)

Everyone is all atwitter about going to the BlogHer Conference, what they are going to wear, who they will meet, etc.. I am not jealous of all of you and I have no interest in going to BlogHer. This is why:

I am a total scaredy cat, nervous Nelly, Shy guy, what ever cutesy term works for a borderline social anxiety disorder. This means I would end up following around the least interesting person in the room too scared to talk to anybody, then eventually when I did talk to someone I would lie about my subscriber account to someone to seem cooler than I am and then shortly after that I would end up drinking too much out of nervousness and throwing up in my purse out on a hotel balcony and then spend the rest of the conference tipping people with pukey dollars, spreading disgusting germs around (and yes I AM speaking from experience, I HAVE puked in my purse before- please people wash your hands after holding cash because someone might have puked on it) and then ultimately I will end up drunk, pukey and fawning over someone from MamaPop and try to explain to them why I think Coldplay is a good band, and they will slowly sidle away from me as I ramble on... and then I will run up and hug The Stilleto Mom and tell her how funny I think she is and she will see a. I am overly touchy-feely when I am drunk and b. that I am wearing flip flops with my dress and I will be so embarrassed, and proceed to tell her what an asshat I am, at which point I might just start lobbying all those around me for asshat to be included in the standard English dictionary....

I will wake up and spend the next morning searching for Advil because I will, of course, not have packed any and I will clean out my pukey purse crying that it will never be the same purse again, and oh this is worse than the time I spilled a jumbo sized pop into my purse at the movie theater when I jumped at a scary scene watching the Dark Knight, (oh that is such a good movie).

Oh yeah, and it was BlogHer or Lollapalooza; I couldn't afford both. That might have factored into my choice as well.

So all of you attending.... go, have fun! Socialize with (shudder) strangers. I'll stay here in my house while Mr. Bee is on his Golf weekend and I am home alone with the children and you are all having fun and tweeting about it, and I will curse you all for your #blogher tweets and stare longingly at my computer, wondering if next year I will be rich and brave enough to attend .... No, go have fun. I'll be okay (sniff). Just take my advice: don't puke in your purse... or you'll smell like vomit all weekend.


  1. I would talk with you! LOL Well, before you puked anyhow. I wish I were going...but I'd have had to gotten over anxiety myself. My Hubs is so anti-internet meet-up that I'm not sure he'd be comfortable letting me go. I plan on shoving all the blogher stuff in his face once it's done. Pictures, stories, etc. I'd really, really like to MAYBE think about attending next year. Wanna? Come on. We'll buy new purses just for your puke. :)

  2. I would hold your hair! and quite possibly vomit too from watching you vomit :) It would be a great bonding experience!

  3. Well, perhaps it is best for all involved that you aren't going after all!!! ; )

    I'm kind of the same way ... which is why I'm not going.

  4. Just reading all these posts from the bloggers all giddy about the trip and planning to get tattoos together and all their party invites is enough to send me over the edge. You and me = kindred spirits. If I was to go on the trip, my follow up post would undoubtedly be "BlogHer Smackdown"

  5. You are too funny! Coming over from SITS!

    Have a great day!

  6. I'm getting pukey just thinking about it. But I generally hate most things about conferences. I think it's because I went to cheerleading camp in HS and I get flashbacks. Like bad acid flashbacks. The spirit stick thing in Bring It On. True. So true it hurts.

    Dammit where's my pepcid.

  7. Talking to strangers? yeah, NOT my favorite thing in the world. Plus, there's only so much alcohol one woman can drink! Loved the post :)

  8. Yeah. This is exactly how I was feeling the entire time I was there. Perhaps I should have read your post, before I went....lol



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