Lately.... it's been tough. There is no way around it. My life is in chaos. I don't know what next year will bring and there isn't even any time to discuss what will happen come October 1st when I will no longer be employed (I think.... I don't even know yet). I have been feeling incredibly stressed.
Today I realized something.
My stress doesn't excuse my temper, anger or actions. I can be a better person.
I don't have to live this life where I am hurting. I can choose to overlook it. I can count my blessings instead of moaning in misery.
The dog is totally crazy.... but he is the sweetest, loving dog.
The kids fight all of the time, but they really do love each other.
Jacob is tough on me, so tough.... but today out of the blue he said "you're the best".
Mr. B works constantly and I miss him so much, but that money will be very helpful soon.
My job is ending, my life is unplanned, but maybe this will lead to something good. Maybe this is what I need.
I want to get back there, get back to being content. Life is hard sometimes, but I think I'm making it harder. I need to feel good about myself, and that might mean letting go.
Today on the way home from the Science Museum, I saw a woman on the corner. She was unkempt and sitting on the sidewalk, surrounded by many bags.
"Boys, do you see that woman on the corner?"
"That woman is homeless. She doesn't have a home."
"That's sad," Drew said.
"Yes it is. Just remember that when you can't get something you want, that we are very lucky and have a lot."
Sometimes life feels so unfair, and then I realize we have everything. I just have to be willing to accept that it might not be the way I always wanted it, but we are very lucky and we have a lot.