May 30, 2007

Wishing and Hoping

Tomorrow is the big day, yes it is the ultrasound day. The day we discover whether the paint the baby's room in pink or blue (actually I probably wouldn't go with either of those colors, but you know what I mean), and get to finally use only one third-person indefinite pronoun (no more he-she, his-hers, I will be able to use only one), and start looking at cute impractical dress shirts or cute, impractical dresses. I am excited and so nervous. Everyone that knows me knows I want a girl. I want a girl so bad, before Drew came along the only male I was completely at ease with was my husband. (Yes, I am including my father, I love him dearly, and we have grown very close, but he's not really much of a talker, and I am more at ease with talkers, hence, my marrying Shaun.) I grew up in a girl-centric family, and all of my jobs have been composed of mainly women. I love frilly things, all the things that equal being a girl. I love Drew, and little boys are precious, but I want a girl so I can be done wanting a girl, and with this one, be done having children. (God, I am a selfish cow.) I don't want to end up with three boys.

And yet, I feel the odds are stacked against me. Everywhere I turn there is a sign that I am having a boy, and right now I am reading everything as a sign. I saw a little boy with blond hair in the diaper commercial, it is a boy for sure. On the babycenter name poll, Andrew came in first, obviously I am having a boy. My body is starting to shape like it was with my last pregnancy, obviously means I am having a boy.

I would like to add a disclaimer here: of course my first concern is the baby's health, that goes without saying.

I just hope that if it is a boy, I do not get upset. I can think of nothing more awful than crying (and trust me I hope I don't, but the ultrasounds make me much more emotional) if it is a boy, and if I do, that is a story that will never be told to little Jacob or Connor. (Or whatever his name would be). I hope I will have a great story to tell little Mia or Maggie. (Or whatever her name might be.)

Here's to wishing and hoping.....
Oh yeah, I guess I like parentheses today huh?

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