April 1, 2012

Being Pregnant is FUN- a list and pie chart

Fun things you are NOT allowed to do while Pregnant, according to Pregnancy Message Boards
(My favorites are in purple and the ones I've done anyway are underlined)
1. Eat Sushi
2. Drink alcohol
5. Run (unless of course you were a runner beforehand, but due to my track record of falling while running and lack of consistency I had to give it up.)
6. Walk my dog
7. Listen to loud music
8. Get a pedicure/manicure without making sure the nail polish is pregnancy safe
9. Eat lunch meat
10. Eat Hot dogs
11. Get hair colored/highlighted/dyed
13. Drink soda
14. Drink "Diet" anything
16. Ride Roller Coasters
17. Take hot baths
18. Go in hot tubs
19. Eat soft serve ice cream or Yogurt

Warning: this Pie chart is very scientific, I know because I made it on the Paint portion of my computer.

"Fun" things you are allowed to do while Pregnant
1. Go to the Doctor a LOT
2. Pee in a cup
3. Get weighed a LOT
4. Think about your weight a LOT
5. Eat (although not TOO much, you aren't really eating for two, you heffer!)
6. Read
7. Get your ass stomach kicked from the inside by Damien-like spawn in the belly
8. Have strangers touch your stomach and guess that you are way further along than you are
9. Have strangers touch your stomach and guess that you are not very far along at all and look at you concernedly (okay, that might not be a word)
10.Watch TV
11. Take Pictures of your belly
12. Nap, a lot if you are lucky and can
13. Play poke your cankles
14. Wear a "new" fakey wedding ring when your hands swell up.
15. Read message forums and laugh at all the neurotic first-time Moms
16. Read message forums and get freaked out by all the posts from neurotic first-time Moms
17. Think about Baby Names
18.. Argue with SO about Baby Names
19. Have people ask you what your Baby names are and watch them be frustrated by your refusal to tell them. (Alternately if you tell them you get to hear why that name doesn't work because it was their frenemy's, Dog's, or kooky Uncle's name).
20. Hear every person's horror Birth story.
21. Hear every one's opinions on breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, epidurals.... etc
22. NEST
23. Register
24. Gain weight (but not too much, you heffer, you want it to be ALL belly. Not too little though, don't diet, and if you're a bigger girl, well then even less, because OBVIOUSLY you are really good at controlling your weight, so let's add some pressure!)


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